The 55th ICYPAA Convention (International Conference of Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous) is happening and it’s in Phoenix, Arizona this year! ICYPAA is an annual gathering for young people to celebrate and honor their sobriety. Over the years, we have seen an increase in the numbers of young people coming into recovery. ICYPAA has been a consistent resource. ICYPAA provides a huge pool of experience, strength and hope for young people, allowing a safe space for those walking similar paths and trying to better their lives to be amongst their peers in a fun, entertaining, spiritual, hopeful way.
Being of service is something you can do no matter how long you’re sober: it can be a day, months or years. It simply doesn’t matter. Putting your hand out and helping someone else gets you out of yourself. Being at an ICYPAA convention is a neat way to approach fellowship and service work because you’re in a huge container for the process to unfold. You are essentially hanging out with other people for an extended period of time, and all are on the same path. It can be a truly wonderful experience. But nothing says it better than this:
“ICYPAA and its attendees are also committed to reaching out to the newcomer, and to involvement in every other facet of AA service. ICYPAA participants can often be found serving at the national, state, area, and group levels. Newcomers are shown, by people their own age, that using AA principles in their daily lives and getting involved in AA service can have a significant impact on a lasting and comfortable sobriety.”
I got to spend some time at our Day School, and the kids were abuzz with excitement and anticipation about the weekend ahead of them. The members of the staff that are going are excited too. Sober conventions are an experience! When I asked Will, one of our tutors, about his thoughts and expectations venturing off to ICYPAA, he said,
“I’m just as excited for the road trip as I am for the actual convention. This will be my first conference, so I don’t quite know what to expect. My plan is to go to the meetings and interact with as many people as possible. I think that people from other parts of the world have a different perspective on sobriety. It’s always interesting to hear someone else’s point of view.”
How amazing is it to get to experience the world with open eyes, and an open heart?
It looks like this is going to be an amazing weekend of sober fun, meetings, and support. From what I hear, it’s also monsoon season in Arizona, so it will be hot, muggy, rainy and absolutely beautiful. Life is infinitely better when you can be present for it!
Mental health is not something to be meddled with. It’s not something that can be fixed by prayer or meditation or going to yoga or by thinking positively. It requires legitimate clinically supported psychological care. For some that may require a long-term in-patient program, for some, that may require an intensive outpatient program, and for some that may require weekly meetings with a therapist. The spiritual practices of prayer, meditation and yoga can and ought to be integrated into any therapeutic work but they are not the end all be all.
Stepping onto the path of recovery is about change. It’s about shifting one’s perspective and learning how to redefine and shift old paradigms so we can create new ones. We must first begin with our old thought patterns and old ideals, which are heavily ingrained in us. The older we are, the deeper the planting, and often the more difficult the change, though not impossible.
It is imperative that we seek help for our mental health needs when we need it. If we are confronted with clinical depression, anxiety, OCD, panic disorders, or PTSD, this is where a skilled psychologist or therapist or possibly a psychiatrist should come in. Bypassing it is dangerous and causes us more harm than it does good. Often times, we seek that magic bullet that will make everything just go away, but it doesn’t. We have to walk through it, or stumble through it, whatever the case may be.
I am reminded of my newcomer years: I was a mess. And when I say mess, I mean, a real mess. I was angry, resistant, but I was full of fire. I was ultimately convinced that I was going to be killed by my feelings (clearly, that didn’t happen!), and I would wax poetic dramatically that it was so. If it weren’t for people pulling me out of myself and into reality, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Part of that process was also learning to walk through my issues not around them, because wherever I went, they were right there with me, like a trusted companion, ready and willing to make my life miserable.
You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, you can’t. There is a network of mental health care that avails you and a network of support groups at the ready. One step at a time, one breath at time, one minute at time, recovery is possible. Mental health care is possible but one thing is for sure, the only way out is through.
I go through the news endlessly, looking for things of interest for the Visions community, looking for things that act as a springboard for the Visions’ blogs, or simply reading to stay on top of the myriad things going on in the environment in which we live and breathe. I sniff out science and psychology articles the way some people seek pop culture references. Keeping you informed and in the loop is my priority. At Visions, we see and experience all walks of life and treat a varied population of teens struggling with everything from mental health issues, substance abuse, and psychological trauma, and for that reason, it’s imperative we address a multitude of subjects.
We are currently knee deep in the heat of summertime, and for some, that might signify a sense of freedom. For some, it’s a time of leisure, and dealing with “issues” feels like it’s putting a crimp in their style. For others, it’s just a shift in barometric pressure and a change in their work attire. Because we maintain a structured schedule year round, Visions maintains a level of consistency that adds a real sense of grounding for teens while they are learning to navigate the newness of recovery. This provides consistency and structure for our treatment population, which is highly beneficial to their recovery process whether they are at one of our inpatient facilities, outpatient, our Day School, or NeXT. The goal is to create a safe, therapeutic container for our adolescents and their families.
Visions has an incredible knack for providing different psychological layers of support for teens to pass through in order for them to get back onto their feet. What I mean by this is, we don’t just toss them back into the unchartered world with old friends and into old stomping grounds without proper coping skills and tools to manage new feelings and challenges. In fact, we encourage the development of new friends, with healthier habits more in line with a lifestyle in recovery. We provide teens with different levels to walk through and gain success and confidence before moving onto something new. If that means backing up a step or two, then we encourage that and provide sufficient support until the client is established and grounded enough in their recovery to move forward.
I marvel at the resiliency in so many of our families. Substance and mental health aren’t easy seas to navigate, but they are not impossible and the Visions team is one that is full of many skilled sailors. Many of us are walking the path of recovery ourselves. It’s imperative that we do stay on top of what’s going on both inside of our facilities and out in the world. If we have our blinders on in any of these places, we become limited in our ability to do what we do best, and that is help those who cross our path. We cannot leave any stone unturned because we never know who might need our help.
It’s been a while since we’ve talked about Ed (Eating Disorders), but it’s summertime, and Ed likes to interject a lot now that it’s bikini season. Oh, and FYI, it’s not uncommon for those in recovery to refer to their eating disorder as Ed. Some may give it another name, but Ed always seems to fit the bill.
Eating disorders are tricky: they are not about food, but food is the weapon of choice. Ed is the one quietly whispering in your ear, nagging you about calories or telling you that you really shouldn’t eat this or that or encouraging you to binge. Frankly, he’s a jerk. He doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Part of recovery is learning how to talk back to Ed, but that is a process. We tend to get so caught up in the lies and dysfunction of the eating disorder itself, we get detached from reality. Ed is a magnificent manipulator and master of ceremonies, and he digs his role.
In the book “Life Without Ed,” Jenni Shaefer declares independence from her eating disorder. She does this after a lot of therapeutic work; so don’t get any crazy ideas! Jenni Shaefer eventually wrote a declaration of independence from her eating disorder; I’ve shared a more general version with you which was sourced from here. It’s fantastic. Perhaps it will encourage you to talk back to your eating disorder. Perhaps it will encourage you to kick Ed to the curb and declare your own independence. Enough is enough. There’s no reason to live under the tyranny of Ed any longer. Even when he rears his ugly head, we can talk back. And even if he gets the better of you for a day or two, perhaps you can look at this and know that you can dust off your knees and stand up again. Remember, “fall down seven, stand up eight.” To quote Jenni Shaefer, “Ironically, it is the not-so-fun part of recovery that actually enables life to be so much fun in the end.”
My Declaration of Independence
When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for a person to dissolve the bonds which have connected them to Ed, and to assume, among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of humankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all persons are endowed upon birth with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That whenever Ed becomes destructive of these ends, it is right to abolish Ed and to institute Recovery, laying its foundation on such principles and in such form as shall seem the most likely to effect safety and happiness.
When a long train of abuses, pursuing invariably the same person evinces a design to reduce that person under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off Ed, and to provide recovery for their future security.
The history of Ed is a history of repeated absolute Tyranny over this man or woman. To prove this, let facts be submitted.
-Ed has refused for a long time to allow the individual to find happiness
-Ed has erected a multitude of binges and purges
-Ed hasravaged the individual’s life and harmed the lives of the people close to them
-Ed has cut off all emotions
-Ed has suspended the individual’s own mind and declared himself invested with the power to legislate the the individual’s world
-Ed has deprived the individual of food
-Ed has taken away the individual’s feelings, abolished his or her most valuable morals, and altered fundamentally his or her values.
Therefore, I solemnly declare that I am FREE and INDEPENDENT.
I am absolved from all allegiance to Ed.
Any connection between Ed and I will be completely dissolved, and as a free and independent individual, I have the power to eat, live in peace, and find happiness.
Father’s Day came and went, but I was struck by the aftermath of the day, nonetheless, when my son sat in the midst of his anger and disappointment after his own father didn’t show up for him. When my son said, “Not only did my dad not show up, he only spent 2 minutes with me on the phone,” I felt his deflation. I felt the letdown and longing for a father that would never be. And I had a visceral memory of what that was like. However, as a parent, my role isn’t to project my past onto my son’s present. Rather, my role is to hold space for him to feel and experience that which ails him, allowing his emotions to safely ride though his body. As a parent, I have to do my work on my own. Not via my son.
Father’s day, like Mother’s day, can elicit a varied set of emotions for our kids and for us as parents. They can range from untended loss, or expectations, abandonment, and deep grief rising internally around parents that were never available for us, be it physically or emotionally. When I first became acutely aware of this in my own life, I did what many of us do: I spiritually bypassed the situation and filled my time with practices of avoidance. At that time, my outsides appeared to be ok, but my inner voice remained devastated. The scary part is finding our voice amidst that loss. Sometimes it wobbles. Sometimes it screams. But it’s there, waiting to come out.
My son found his voice yesterday; he used it well. He leaned into his resources and shared his frustrations and sense of loss. He really discovered how available his step-dad is for him, finding grounding in the emotional presence and support that has been made available to him over the last 5 years. I had the honor of baring witness to such splendor.
Sometimes, we find ourselves grappling with the reality of having what we need but still wanting something we cannot have: my son wanting his father to be a dad but having a step-father who gives him everything he needs. On Father’s Day, we ventured to the beach, and when Joseph dried him off and kissed his head, my son giggled and said, “My dad would never do that.” It is in these moments where we hold space for that grief I was speaking of; here is where we can allow this young man the time to process the weight of his loss while reveling in the joy of the experience itself.
Parenting is a process and being a kid is a process. Somewhere, we meet in the middle, knees and hearts bruised along the way. But if I’ve learned anything, it’s this: our hearts have a tremendous capacity to heal. The heart, I know, is a muscle of great resilience. It can even open to the tumult of holidays, learning to forgive and/or navigate the foibles of clumsy parents and the awkwardness of adolescence.
The mental health community is becoming well versed in the term “Spiritual Bypass” and often uses it to recognize when individuals are relying upon a spiritual practice or belief to “bypass” or divert from the reality of their situation. For example, if someone is living in a fantastical world attached to the belief that controlling their thoughts is a means of changing the outcome of a situation, they are engaging in a form of spiritual bypass. Our actions must follow any positive intentions or those intentions will elude us. We cannot think our way into a positive outcome. Ingrid Mathieu, Ph.D., and author of Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual Practice says, “Spiritual bypass shields us from the truth, it disconnects us from our feelings, and helps us avoid the big picture. It is more about checking out than checking in—and the difference is so subtle that we usually don’t even know we are doing it.”
Many of us are introduced or reintroduced to a spiritual path upon entering recovery. So, when we begin developing our spiritual lives, it’s not uncommon to get lulled by the idea that we have to be perfect, or that we cannot show anger, or disappointment, or fear, or emotions other than deep gratitude and acceptance of all things. It then becomes easy to use our spirituality to avoid dealing with ourselves and our shadows dancing in the corners of our lives. There isn’t a person who comes to a spiritual path free from some kind of suffering or sorrow. We all have some kind of trauma we are working with, or running from, or trying to navigate. Feelings are uncomfortable. They hurt. They make our knees buckle. They make us weep and scream. They make us feel broken. I assure you, we are far from broken. We are merely bending from exhaustion and fear and resistance. Here, when we spiritually bypass, we certainly have moments of reprieve, but they are merely moments. Here’s what actually happens: those feelings, fears, disappointments, longings, losses, hurts, traumas, they all fester inside of our bodies. And they eek out of us when we least expect it: in traffic, in the grocery line, toward our children, toward our friends, toward our teachers, toward our students, toward ourselves.
It’s alluring to seek out a “quick fix,” but the fact is, we have to walk through the muck of emotions and slog through those dark, sticky feelings to get to the other side, which is freedom. The saying “The only way out is through,” isn’t for naught. When we rely upon spiritual bypass, we are choosing to only focus on that which we like. Life is so much more than that: it’s a remarkable prism of joy, and pain, love, and light, sadness, grief, birth, and death. It is a sea of wonder. It is a symphony. Grab hold of it and enjoy it, even the ugly is there to teach us something. It is where we learn our resilience, and our capacity for care. To quote one of my teachers, Hala Khouri, “Our wounds our often the source of our gifts, and if we don’t investigate our wounds, they will get in the way.
Sarit Rogers is Visions’ very own Woman of Words – Our Billowing Blogger, Lady of Language and Sorceress of Social Media. She officially joined the V-Team in 2010 and found her stride as our new Media Manager. We had an idea of what we wanted her to structure, but could not dream of the ways she would use her innovation to build upon the face of Visions in today’s digital world.
With her permission, I’d like to give her a big shout out on 20 years of sobriety today!!! Every Blog, Tweet and Post is driven from an innate desire to help others find a life of health and happiness. Sarit’s raw, candid and unbiased way of writing continues to inspire our team and many more readers across the world.
She is a passionate mother to one very cool kid, is wife to Visions’ Mr. Rogers and is the loving owner of her pup, LuLu. Sarit is a creative activist at heart. Inspiring others with her writings, photography and yoga practice, she is constantly looking to help others find the authentic beauty of the inner self.
Collaborating on our Staff Blogs has been one of my favorite jobs to create with Sarit. We have had a ton of fun letting our readers know who the masterminds are that make Visions what it is. Sarit has allowed us to see how much we are valued amongst our peers…now it is time for her to feel the same:
“Like her on Facebook, retweet her, snapchat about it, #JustSarit is anything but ‘just’ our New Media Manager. She has a great artistic eye and has been instrumental in transforming our web content. This recognition is long overdue!” –Patrick Schettler
“What comes across so clearly to me in Sarit’s writing is that she genuinely cares. She is passionate in her desire to help others, the embodiment of compassion in action. Visions is blessed to have such a talented writer who can produce well-researched, thoughtful, and timely articles. But what really comes across in her writing is a lifetime of personal transformation that has brought her to a place of deep understanding and hope.” – Joseph Rogers
“Besides Sarit being the realest & funniest person at Visions, she’s the most sincere & caring. Whenever I have the chance to be around her, I make sure I get my daily dose of Sarit.” – Janette Duran
“Sarit is one of the smartest, kindest ladies I know! Not only has she helped me post photos from 6,000 miles away on facebook when I was Paris and I couldn’t figure it out, but she was able to get me back on icloud after my kids signed on incorrectly so many times that we were locked out, for life it seemed. Apple tech support couldn’t understand why we were not able to get back with their help at the Genius Bar!…but Sarit fixed it via a few texts. She is just awesome.” – Colleen Kelly, PhD
“Sarit is amazing, special, talented, loving, strong, fearless, kind and so much more! She possesses a positive and loving spirit/energy. It’s felt the moment you meet her! All that cross her path are blessed and feel inspired by her greatness!” – Jennifer Werber
“Sarit is our beautiful wordsmith who makes someone like me, who is known for potty language and poor punctuation, sound like a poet! Sarit is awesome, always thinking of ways to put our Vision out to words, pictures, facebook posts and blogs. She is willing to show up to events to “live tweet” and is always active when there are shows on that discuss issues we deal with in treatment. She brings Visions’ ideas out into the world of social media. Sarit is not only our social media manager, but also an amazing photographer and….wait for it….married to JRO another one of the Visions family members! She is a wonderful mother and we are always grateful for Sarit’s take on our business planning meetings! Thanks for all you do!” – Amanda Shumow
Let’s Break into this creative mind with our pondering 10 questions:
1.Favorite Song of all time and why?
“Sympathy For the Devil,” Rolling Stones. Musically, it’s multi-layered and interesting. Lyrically, it remains one of those songs that is simply timeless. It’s feisty, political, and it illuminates the fact that we all have a dark side within each of us. I’ve loved it every since I was a tot.
2. Frog pose or tree pose?
Definitely tree pose. It’s nice to be able to find balance and strength physically and mentally.
3. What would you like to find at the end of a rainbow?
Aside from the elusive pot of gold? A nice cup of tea and warm, stripey socks.
4. Best thing about being a MOM?
Watching my son experience the world. It’s incredible to see how he loves others without judgment, shows compassion with ease, thinks outside of the box, and is comfortable being who is is. Now if I could just get him to come back to his senses and stop listening to Nicki Minaj…
5. Who’s a stronger woman…Wonder Woman, Shera or Oprah?
Wonder Woman, hands down. She’s a warrior fighting for justice, equality, love, peace–with sass! Oh, and I’ve always liked DC comics.
6. Cookies or Cake?
Sigh. These days, I’d have to say cookies. Gluten Free cake usually tastes like a sweet rock.
7. Best thing about being married to Mr.Rogers?
One thing? Really? Okay: He’s FunnyIntelligentKindGentleImaginativeMybestfriend
8. What paints a better picture…Writing or Photography?
Hm. A good writer can paint a picture tantamount to a good photograph if they have a thesaurus and one hell of an imagination. They are both equal to me but for different reasons. My pen and my camera are extensions of myself.
As my favorite photographer, Ruth Bernhard once said, “Light is my inspiration, my paint and brush.”
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Compassionate.
10. Why do you work for Visions?
Many, many reasons. We offer something that was barely in existence when I was getting sober. To work for a company that has made helping teens and their families through one of their darkest times is a blessing for which I am truly grateful. Every word I write, every tweet, and every FB post is an act of being of service and extending the familial arm of the Visions’ family. And I get to do it in my yoga pants.
First practicum EVER! #teachertraining #yoga via saritphoto
It’s been an incredible 9 days of yoga teacher training. I have been cracked open and infused with so many tools, love, support, an incredible community, a mountain of information; it’s not even close to being over! I am just beginning what I believe to be a lifelong process of learning. Sure, when I complete these 200 hours, this particular training will be over, but to me, yoga is something that is always evolving. The body is changing: as we age, as we get injured, heal, go through life changes, it changes, and there is always something to learn.
When I began this journey, I knew from an intellectual space that I would be learning about yoga: postures, how they should be aligned, how trauma presents in the body, how it releases, where the muscles and bones are, et cetera. I knew I was going to learn a lot from these teachers, and I knew that I was going to learn in a unique way. Hala Khouri is a Somatic Experiencing therapist, after all, and she brings that into the way she speaks and teaches. It has been illuminating. I also had a good feeling that there might even be some kind of transformation. I had no idea how much would actually occur.
My teachers are not conventional yoga teachers. They are uniquely themselves, exploring and teaching a non-dualistic path to a reality-based, grounded practice of yoga. They teach us about trauma so we are conscious about keeping our classes safe and grounded. They are teaching us about grounding, orienting and resourcing, terms familiar to me from my understanding of Somatic Experiencing and recovery work, but also applicable in a yoga class. Finding refuge in my body has happened for me on my yoga mat, but that has occurred because I have been fortunate to have teachers skilled in creating a sacred space for their students to have their own liberating experiences. In this yoga teacher training, we are being taught to do the same and that means we need to know how to ground, orient, and provide resourcing options for our students. It is in these ways that we can find refuge within and ultimately have a transformation, no matter how small it may be.
My recovery has never been one-dimensional. As I’ve tacked on more years, I have explored my spiritual paths, finding a calling to dig deeper into the layers of muck within myself that caused me to shrink back in layers of fear, shyness, insecurity, self-loathing, shame, lack of trust, or whatever rose to the surface. It is within the contemplative practices of yoga and meditation where I learned to dance with my fear and face my shadows. It was through those practices, the steps, therapy, and a lot of patience that I learned to shine particles of light into the darkest of places. This yoga teacher training has lifted me up and supported every ounce of my practice, leading me through layers that still need excavating and continues to show me the way to play with my shadow side. I am finding my voice. Ironically, it is the one thing that eludes me. My voice as a writer is strong, but as a public speaker? Forget about it!
So, dear ones, This week rounds out module one. The transformation has been incredibly real. I am more grounded, more open, and more equanimous. I feel more connected to everyone and everything around me. And, more importantly, I feel the most “me” I have ever felt. Let’s dance!
As teachers, therapists and facilitators, we have to become aware of our own edge: knowing when we are getting overwhelmed, knowing when those in our charge are feeling overwhelmed, and knowing when we need to step back ourselves or facilitate that same process of backing off in someone else. Working with the addiction and mental health population means coming to a place of deep understanding and awareness of the subtle shifts of emotional temperatures that can occur in any given situation. The process of helping others and working with others isn’t about feeding our own egos so we can feel superior, but rather facilitating and creating a safe container for those in crisis and helping them find the willingness to take a chance at finding their own edge (trying something new and finding that sense of coming close to but not being overwhelmed) and broadening their comfort zones.
There are many ways in which we can recognize when someone may need to back off, or work on getting grounded. As part of a treatment team, we have to be aware of each client’s needs and these are some of the key signs we look for as well as some of the key tools we need to have in our toolboxes:
Look for any change in a person’s baseline behavior. Some people will talk more, and some will talk less. It’s as though some are stuck in the “on” position and some on the “off” position.
Some people shut down. Are they isolating? Are they crumpled up in a ball?
Actively listen to what someone is saying. If someone shares his or her difficulty, take heed, are you really listening?
Know who is actually working with their edge and know what their resources are. Can they self-regulate? Do they have their resourcing (their calming tools) readily available?
Facilitate time-outs. Let people know that it’s okay to take breaks from a situation that is making them feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, showing someone what a time-out looks like by mirroring it, helps illustrate its safety.
While we certainly want to push our clients and ourselves to explore and expand emotional and physical limitations, it’s extremely important we provide a safe container in which this can become possible. We are empowered to show others how to orient themselves in new situations, find their grounding, and self-regulate when they begin to feel themselves slip of out of control. We are also empowered with the loving arm of compassion and service which allows us to show someone how to ask for help and accept that help when it is offered. To teach, treat, and to care for others is a gift and an honor.
Yoga and Buddhist meditation play an enormous part in my personal story. They are the practices that have allowed me find refuge in my body, courage in my heart, and the fearlessness to walk into the darkness that once plagued me and led me to self-harm, drink, fall apart, and detach. In truth, I find that learning to relate to ourselves better equips us in our ability to relate to others. Because isn’t the ultimate goal really to help others and to be of service?
Today, I begin the first module of my 200-hour yoga teacher training with Julian Walker and Hala Khouri—two individuals I hold in high regard. I had investigated this training (Awakened Heart, Embodied Mind) for 2 years previous and allowed my fear of the adventure and deep personal investigation to get in my way. This time feels different. This time, I was finally ready. I’m grateful for this opportunity and excited to see what will ultimately unfold. Working with trauma has really become the driving force behind my own practice and has become something I’ve found beneficial for the women I work with. Those who work with trauma are inspiring and I understand that if we can unravel the web of hurt and pain, we have an opportunity for real healing, knowing that it takes willingness to feel discomfort and to face the very things that plague us.
I didn’t just want “any” yoga teacher training, I wanted something that would foster my own healing around trauma, my need to be of service and my deep desire to help others change their relationships to their bodies and the traumas we all hold within our physical and emotional structures. This teacher training in particular blends the “ancient and modern, Buddhist and Yogic, anatomical and energetic, spiritual and psychological tools and information” to allow the practitioner/student to truly find their authentic voice in this vast world of spiritual practice, allowing themselves to truly find a space to heal and have a voice.
Check out Julian Walker’s style of yoga and his approach to training in his book, Awakened Heart, Embodied Mind: A Modern Yoga Philosophy Infused with Somatic Psychology & Neuroscience. It’s an interesting, inspiring, heart-opening read. I feel fortunate and deeply honored to be a part of this journey and excited to share whatever unfolds with the Visions community, because in many ways, you all are my heart and what also inspire me to be of service and do what I do. I’ll be journaling this adventure, so stay tuned!
“Compassion is not always nice. We can set boundaries, tell truths and express anger while still being compassionate.” Julian Walker
