Sometimes being clean is painful. I got clean really young in an adolescent drug treatment program, and have stayed clean since. My life has grown and I have a wonderful existence thanks to being sober. I have all kinds of opportunities that I never had when I was using, like going to college or keeping a job. It gets painful when you stay clean and other people don’t. It gets really painful when some people don’t make it.
My friend died of an overdose this week. When I got sent away to treatment, I had to cut myself off from my using friends. It was really hard, and they didn’t understand why I couldn’t talk to them anymore. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t be around people when they were using. It was too hard for me. After I had been clean awhile, some of my friends checked out some AA or NA meetings with me. I got really excited that we would all be clean together and have fun. A few of my friends stayed clean for a bit, and then would go back to using. I had had such a strong foundation in teen drug treatment that I knew I couldn’t “dabble” in using again. I think that if I use again, I will die.
My friend died this week. She overdosed and died. She was 18. Sometimes I wonder why I stay clean and others don’t. I wonder how I didn’t die when I was using and why others do. I wonder what I could have done to help my friend and I know that I did what I could. I just feel really sad. I feel really angry with drug addiction. I know that I don’t have to use over the feelings I’m having, and that the only thing I can do is to stay clean and try to help other teens see that they can stay clean too. I’m really going to miss my friend. She was an amazing person who really struggled with addiction. I know her death was an accident, and that she didn’t believe she might die from this. I wish addiction didn’t exist, and that this wouldn’t happen to people, but it does. So I just stay clean, and stay close to my support group in Hartford Connecticut like I learned in treatment. I just feel really sad today. Please contact us for teen drug and alcohol rehab if you or a loved one needs help.
Originally posted on September 9, 2009 @ 5:51 am
