Lindsay Lohan appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show today, talking about the challenges of getting herself back together after her breakup with Samantha Ronson. She emphasized the importance of her support group and talked about her goals of getting to know herself better and developing her personal strength. This led me to think about the various relationship challenges I’ve dealt with in recovery. Breaking up is hard to do, and it can be even harder when coupled with the massive self-esteem deficiencies addicts and alcoholics seem to deal with.
My first big breakup in recovery ended up being the best thing for me because I really did get a chance to get to know myself better and to analyze what I really wanted from another person. I waited a long time after getting clean to even try testing the relationship waters, and when the first one finally did end, I had a strong foundation underneath me to get through it. Although the breakup wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened to me, I still had to step up the amount of meetings I went to and surrounded myself with other recovering people. I also learned how to enjoy time with myself, like taking myself to a movie or out to dinner. This time I spent with myself allowed me to really feel good about who I am, and over time it really amped-up my feelings of self-worth. Instead of being lonely, I learned how to enjoy solitude. Maybe Lindsay should try going on dates with herself for awhile. It certainly helped me find myself.