It’s my birthday this week! Each (natal) birthday I have clean makes me really grateful for the life I have, and the fact that I managed to survive my teenage years is something to celebrate. When I was using, I had resigned myself to the idea that I probably wouldn’t live very long, and if I did, it was going to be a life full of drugs and misery. A few birthdays ago, my parents figured out that I was using again. I had to show up to my birthday party sick from last nights drug use. Everyone showed up for me and I showed up a disgusting mess. After a few more weeks of promising to stop using on my own and failing, I got a chance to go to
teen drug rehab. It was the best belated birthday gift of my life, even though I didn’t think so at the time. After getting clean, celebrating each year I live is a real gift.
I am especially grateful for my mom and dad, who had to watch my painful descent into addiction in La Jolla, San Diego. If it wasn’t for their help in getting me into treatment, I might not be blowing out candles this year. They stuck with me despite how nasty I was, and how difficult I made things. They loved me when I couldn’t love myself, and had hope for me when I had none. They gave me the space I needed in early recovery and did their own work in family therapy sessions so that we could all have a better relationship after the damage my drug use wreaked on the family.
This year, I am just happy to get to spend my birthday with my family and my friends that love me. I won’t be blacking out, or throwing up on myself, or overdosing this birthday. This birthday, I have a chance to really enjoy the quality relationships I have developed since entering teen recovery.
Originally posted on September 18, 2009 @ 5:46 am
