I am simply overcome with gratitude this week. This week I have five years clean. When I was new, getting five years clean seemed like the most impossible thing, but somehow, it just kind of happened anyway. One night, Visions Adolescent Drug Treatment Center took me to a 12-step meeting, and suddenly staying clean seemed possible. I had been to many meetings before, but this one had something special: my first sponsor. She was speaking that night and said something that I will never forget. She said that she sticks around for the too-skinny, awkward young girls that come to meetings. I thought, “Well, I’m an awkward, too-skinny girl.” For whatever reason, the idea that someone might actually be waiting around to help a girl like me made me feel like I had a chance. It even made me think that if I were to by chance stay clean as an adolescent, I might even get to stick around for the too-skinny awkward girls that come through the door.
Tonight I got to celebrate my five years clean and sober at that meeting. Suddenly, standing in front of everyone there, I was overcome with gratitude and I was hit with the idea that, “Holy crap, I actually stayed clean.” I hated it, but I burst into tears in front of everyone there. I used to cry because I wanted help and felt so incredibly desperate. I cried because I wanted to die. Tonight, I cried because my life is so good and I sometimes can’t believe that I am free from active adolescent addiction. It seemed like such an impossible thing to do when I first walked into teen drug treatment, but by following the suggestions given to me there, I am now able to stick around for all the awkward, too-skinny, drug-addicted adolescent girls from Palo Alto that come into recovery today. If you would like help please click here struggling Teen.
Originally posted on October 23, 2009 @ 5:48 am
