What’s wrong with me? This is a question I have been riddled with since I can remember. I thought it might be because I was conceived in a Petri dish, or because my dad has a disease that turns his skin darker, but nothing fit snuggly in that empty hole I had. Learning about the signs and symptoms of ADD and Addiction has helped me have a greater understanding of myself with my assets, liabilities and quirks, and it has helped me learn healthy coping tools.
When I entered an adolescent treatment center in Malibu at age 17, I opened up the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous for the first time. Immediately the words “restless, irritable and discontent” jumped out at me. It seemed that my entire life I was trying to explain to people what was going on with me, why I was the way I was, and this book summed it up in three simple words. The closest I had ever come to explaining this feeling before is the feeling of wanting to jump out of my skin. In hindsight I can see that this feeling only pervaded me when I was not under the influence, but at the time I just felt different. It seemed that others were having a much easier time adjusting to the ebbs and flows of growing up. I felt “less than” in every aspect, school, parent relationships, even little things like drawing ability, I just could not measure up.
To be continued in tomorrows posting…
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