One of the ways my addiction manifested itself was through my eating disorder. It was a difficult thing to tackle my substance abuse and eating disorder at the same time, but my counselors helped me see how the same feelings that led me into my eating disorder also led me into substance abuse. I just read in People magazine that American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi went to treatment for her binge eating disorder when she was younger, and that finding a creative outlet like music helped her to put an end to such a self-destructive behavior.
.My counselors in treatment helped me to identify some of the motivations behind my using and my eating disorder and my drug abuse, most of them tying in to my need to control the world around me. I felt that if I could control everything, I wouldn’t be so afraid. As I continued in my recovery, I began to build up my self esteem by arguing against my defective logic and replacing the negative self talk with positive affirmations. I felt like a big dork doing it at first, but reluctantly recited my affirmations in the mirror anyway. I finally got to where I could look in the mirror and say, “I love you,” and mean it. Kara’s idea about finding an outlet for feelings is right on. I found that painting and drawing was a great outlet for me to express my feelings. When I paint and draw, it is meditative. All of the people I know in recovery have a creative streak, and developing mine has been a wonderful tool in battling both my addiction and my eating disorder.
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