Category: Recovery

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Mental Health Recovery Self-Care

Beware: Ridiculousness May Lead to ROFLMAO

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Osho said, “You cannot live without laughter.” He has a wonderful point! When I got sober, it wasn’t the war stories that hooked me but the echoes of laughter in those dungy, smoky meeting halls. For one thing, there were others there who could relate to the mistakes I made and my subsequent suffering. It was there that I discovered my ability to laugh, not at others, but at situations and circumstances otherwise too dark to face. Ultimately, this is what initially gave me permission to begin the letting-go process regarding my shame and fear.

So, a funny thing happens when we introduce something like a laughing practice or laughing meditation in a recovery setting. Initially, it might be awkward for some of us to laugh for no real reason, but then a transformation happens: the laughter becomes genuine laughter, and the tension held within our bodies begins to unravel. Try it: laugh. You can laugh about the ridiculousness of laughing. At some point, the inevitable will occur: the guise of false perception will melt down, and along with the side cramp, you might find you are able to let go of what you think you “should be” and come to find solace in who you are.

According to Osho, there are three kinds of laughter: the first is laughing at others. This type of laughter is inherently unkind and unhelpful, yet also the most common in human behavior. The second is when laughing at ourselves; this type of laughter is definitely something to strive for. It’s not only beneficial but it really helps us lighten up a bit. The third type of laughter is when we laugh–not at others or ourselves, as outlined in the first and second types–but just to laugh. I imagine this type of laughter to be the most freeing of all. I have always been guilty of two things: seriousness and ironically, spontaneous and unfettered bursts of laughter. I rather prefer the latter: it’s proof that laughter allows us to soften and simultaneously open up enough to finally begin to take the world less personally.

Don’t forget,  Rule #62 in the 12×12 says, “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”

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Mental Health Recovery Self-Care

Pursuing Happiness: Is Your Glass Half Full?

Sometimes I think attitude really is everything. I mean, if we walk into a room with a sour face and a negative attitude, then we are bound to gather the attention of our fellow sourpusses and their pals. These sorts of things act much like Velcro, fastening together similar minds and ensuring an acidic atmosphere remains intact. This trait, in its sheer nature, is not beneficial–to anyone. Yet, despite the knowledge that a change in attitude can purportedly change the outcome of a situation, it’s not always easy to do.

Enter the burgeoning practice of Positive Psychology: According to the University of Pennsylvania, “Positive psychology has three central concerns: positive emotions, positive individual traits, and positive institutions. Understanding positive emotions entails the study of contentment with the past, happiness in the present, and hope for the future.” At the core of positive psychology is a desire to encourage individuals to enhance their strengths in order to be their best selves. This differs from the psychology we are most familiar with, which aims to discover and treat dysfunction. In contrast, this relatively new field of positive psychology places its focus on helping people lead happier, more fulfilling lives. Both of these pathologies are important: when there’s dysfunction, we need to learn how to care for it, which leads to healing. At the same time, we must also learn to acknowledge our strengths so we can expand on them and live more joyfully. Lest we forget, our reactions to pleasant and unpleasant things are a direct result of our experiences; therefore, it’s not uncommon to get lost in the past, disabling one’s ability to thrive in the present.

This is where positive psychology gives us the opportunity to expand on our optimism in a potentially pessimistic, emotional environment. Part of gaining a positive mental attitude is realizing we are not our circumstances. Instead, we soon discover that we can hold those very predicaments with care and intention without getting lost in our feelings about them. Wayne Dyer says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” What a wonderful opportunity to begin to skillfully govern our difficulties! At the same time, this doesn’t mean we should be positive by being insincere or pretending to be happy about something we actually find disdainful or troubling. In other words, you don’t have to eat a crap sandwich and pretend you like it. If anything, this is a chance to garnish it with something you do like, including not having that sandwich at all.

____

Inspired by this: Shawn Achor: The Happy Secret to Better Work

Interesting articles and info about Positive Psychology:

Claremont Graduate University

Mental Health News

Pursuit of Happiness

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Mental Health Recovery Self-Care

Self-Care = Kindness

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“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Isn’t that how the saying goes? Well, what if you suffer from alcoholism or addiction, or a mental illness, and the thought of self-care never even enters your mind? What if a bowl full of lemons merely represents the puckered, sour taste of your life?

While performing acts of self-care is a learned trait, it’s invaluable once you integrate the practice into your life. I think of the instructions you’re given in an airplane in case of an emergency: “Secure your own mask first before helping others.” Because we can’t always control our environments or the stressors that come and go in our lives, it’s important to have a means of caring for ourselves so we don’t get “knocked over” by life itself. Essentially, if we don’t learn to care for ourselves and ensure our well-being, we become bereft in our abilities to care for others.

You can start small, but I encourage you to start. Pick one or maybe two of these and see how it makes you feel!

  • Make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Sleep deprivation has a slew of negative side effects, including: irritability, reduction in alertness, memory problems, daytime drowsiness, stress and anxiety.
  • Don’t skip meals. Skipping meals adds stress to the body and increases irritability and moodiness.
  • Exercise. Go for a hike, take a walk, do some yoga, go surfing, et cetera. Moving your body raises endorphins and lifts your mood!
  • Read a book or watch a funny movie.  Sometimes taking a mental break and doing something purely entertaining is a great way to take care of ourselves.
  • Do one thing at a time. Yes, this might mean putting the kibosh on multi-tasking! The irony is, you’ll probably get more done.
  • Find a way to “do nothing” for 10 minutes…everyday. It’s a recharge for the brain. Seriously. Yes, that may mean logging off of Facebook for 10 min so you can take some deep breaths. I promise, you won’t actually miss anything.
  • Ask for help if you need it. I honestly think this is the hardest and yet most valuable component of self care. We can’t recover on our own, not from addiction, alcoholism, or mental illness.

As we begin to invest time in ourselves and create space for nurturing and self care, we fortify our hearts. Being able to recognize our needs is paramount in recovery. It’s not selfish to take care of ourselves; it’s an act of kindness.

When in doubt, remember this: “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” (Buddha)

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Addiction Depression Mental Health Recovery

Privilege Doesn’t Mean Easy

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Sometimes, teen angst is obvious. It shows up as truancy, poor grades, and sullen or surly attitudes. But sometimes, it’s subtle, and easily missed by parents desperate to feel their child is doing all right. After reading this remarkable article by Dr. Madeline Levine, I was reminded about the elusive nature of teen angst and the parental actions taken to limit pain, sadness, fear, and frankly, some of the pertinent life experiences which are part and parcel to learning about the human condition. Dr. Levine noted how common this is amongst those more privileged when she states, “It would be a stretch to diagnose these kids as emotionally ill. They don’t have the frazzled, disheveled look of kids who know they are in serious trouble.” In these cases, it takes time to really unravel the problem because the outsides are masked so skillfully. Levine notes this as well, “After a few sessions, sometimes more, the extent of distress among these teenagers becomes apparent. Scratch the surface, and many of them are, in fact, depressed, anxious and angry.” She also notes the fact that it’s the kids requesting help, not always the parents recognizing there might be a problem.

Many parents will say,  “I just don’t want my child to feel pain or be sad, or get hurt.” While parents are providing tremendous resources and attention to these kids, there is still an internal sense of strife felt in many of them. This additional desire to protect and fix things with materialistic items is just a another way of muffling the reality of whatever it is we’re dealing with.  An iPod, or a new pair of Uggs won’t fix the emotional pain and loneliness of social anxiety or lift the spirits of the depressed. Sure, the thrill of getting something new may make us temporarily feel good, but those feel-good moments start to fade and we’re still left with the feelings we were trying to run away from in the first place.

This presents an interesting conundrum when it comes to asking for help. The suffering isn’t as obvious for these teens, and it becomes harder still to determine the root cause when the issues themselves are concealed. In this sense, the “privileged” may find it harder to reach out for help because their ability to acquire bigger and better things is easier, and their academic and social resources are more viable. In this case, the ability to stuff feelings comes at a higher price, both literally and figuratively.  And while some may view those who are more privileged as spoiled, I hesitate to think this is entirely the case. In fact, I would venture to say some of this is the manifestation of a larger issue: parental denial, a need to run from feelings and the financial ability to do it in bigger and more aggrandized ways.

Sometimes it’s harder to ask for help when it looks like you have it “together” from the outside. The assumption is that one is doing well because they may not have lost everything, or because they appear fine solely because their outsides are seemingly put together. Unfortunately, the outsides don’t always match the insides. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt low but was complimented on my appearance. It’s a trick we play to hide what’s really going on. That “trick,” however, leaves us lonely and sometimes isolated from the very people who can help us. Our kids need us to be there for them, but we can’t always intervene. In doing so, we teach helplessness, when what we really want to do is provide a safe foundation at home so our kids can develop the tools they need to experience life. As Hodding Carter once said, “There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”

Read the article in its entirety (I highly recommend this).

See here for more information about The Price of Privilege.

Categories
Mental Health Recovery

Facing Our Fears & Meeting Our Grief

It takes more strength to feel your feelings than it does to hide them. As counterintuitive as it may seem, I’ve found this to be true. Because we encounter so much anxiety and depression in our lives and in our recovery, it ‘s appropriate to also notice the element of grief which often acts as the undercurrent and silent driving force. If there’s a history of abuse or abandonment, neglect, or bullying, there is grief. If a parent suffers from a mental illness and/or addiction, there is grief. If there’s social anxiety, there is grief. It’s a pervasive feeling, and one which we often ignore or pass off as a phase, something that happens in passing. But in recovery, be it from addiction or mental illness or both, we need to address it.

How do we face our fears—especially when they are paralyzing? How do we defy this part of being human which urges us to avoid pain at all costs? We eat to feel better, drink and smoke to feel better, have sex to feel better, live on our phones to feel better, surf the Internet to feel better, ad infinitum. We do whatever it takes to go as far as possible from that nagging pain in our guts. With the addictive personality, this behavior is even more pronounced. If there’s a mental illness co-occurring but not acknowledged, the desire to resist the fear and feelings might be even greater. It can get pretty darn lonely, especially when one’s ego and fear kick in, coupled with a refusal to ask for help.

Certainly, there is an imperative to face these fears and the grief associated with them, but we can’t do it all at once. Since it requires us to look deeply within, I have found it far more beneficial to do in pieces. Even in a therapeutic environment, one doesn’t address every single issue at once. The trouble is, addicts and alcoholics don’t like to do anything in pieces. It’s usually all or nothing. It takes a new outlook and a commitment to slowing down to start to change that perspective. But it is possible.  Keep in mind, alcoholism and addiction are oftentimes symptoms of a much greater problem. The question is, are we brave enough to determine what that problem is?  If it’s a mental illness, do we have the courage to take care of it appropriately?

Instead of attempting to lift a tree to see its roots, try lifting one leaf at a time. Eventually, when it’s time to lift the tree, it may not be as heavy.

 

Categories
Recovery Service Treatment

Visions Hits Double-Digits: Celebrating a Decade of Adolescent Treatment

This past decade, Visions has set a mission to provide a treatment plan that truly caters to youth and their families. We’ve coexisted alongside a myriad of recovery centers, working hand in hand with them to bring a sense of healing to the entirety of the family dynamic. As we celebrate 10 years of providing treatment, our professional growth, and the program development we’re embarking on, it behooves us to acknowledge and celebrate our treatment team and the culture they have built at Visions.

There is something that lies within every single person at Visions, something which connects all of us in a very unique way. As I’ve sat and pondered what that “thing” is, I‘ve realized it’s the sense of being of service which we all embody. The thing that drives us to get up and “do it again” isn’t the promise of a paycheck or the gratification of completing a task on time; instead, it’s the desire to put forth the effort in watering the seeds of recovery planted at the very beginning of treatment. It’s a continuum, this process, one which starts at intake and continues on to supporting healthy living. There is no “end” to the dedication and perseverance of our team. Selflessness is what I continue to notice about those who’ve been here since the beginning and in those just planting their feet. There is an element of altruism within the team, not forced, just naturally there and engaged beyond any expectations placed upon us by simply being an employee.

Amidst all of the selflessness and service, however, runs an underlying tone of never taking ourselves too seriously.  The team wears their hearts on their sleeves and carries laughter in their hearts. Frankly, we can’t see any other way to show our clients our authenticity.  As we know, adolescence is strife with the mistrust of adults and a deep need for autonomy; having adults who care for them and are willing to share their ability to be themselves while maintaining positive boundaries is crucial. There’s nothing forced about this, and the organic factor allows us to be consistent in our care and treatment. Remember, teens can suss out a fake in two seconds flat…especially when it comes to adults.

The treatment world understands a language all its own.  It feels the pain of the mentally ill, the addict, the depressed, the eating disordered, the anxious, and the suicidal. From our perspective, there’s no judgment, just the sincere effort to help someone heal. There comes a point where the need to “just” be of service ceases to solely focus on recovery and begins to seep into paving the path to living better lives. At Visions, we shoot for the families’ new beginning and aim to be the best examples of recovery, compassion and fun. As Dr. Seuss liked to say, “Fun is good.”

Categories
Recovery

Know Your Facts: The Increase in Prescription Drug Abuse

(part 2 of 3)

Monitoring the Future released their latest study, noting that alcohol use was down, but marijuana, synthetic marijuana, and prescription drugs were up. In part one of this series, we focused on marijuana and its synthetic counterparts, bringing attention to the
perceived harmlessness of marijuana and the growing trend toward the use of synthetics. Here, we’ll talk about the rampant use of prescription drugs and the myriad dangers which accompany their use.

When it comes to prescription drugs, the ease of acquisition is often as simple as going through a parents’ or relative’s medicine cabinet, raiding a friend’s house, or simply trading with friends at school or at parties. The use of opioid prescriptions like Oxycontin and Vicodin are rampant…and deadly. As reported in Monitoring the Future’s 2010 National Results on Adolescent Drug Use: Overview of Key Findings, “54% of high-school seniors said ‘opioid drugs other than heroin (e.g., Vicodin) would be fairly easy to get.’” Why are teens using prescription drugs with such frequency? Could it simply be the ease with which they’re obtained? Or is it the built-in societal respect for doctors and their judgment which allows us to look away when the pen flies across the prescription pad.

Take note of the behaviors and physical symptoms which surround prescription drug addiction (via Educate Before You Medicate – www.talkaboutrx.org):

Behavioral signs:

  • Sudden mood changes:
    • Irritability
    • Negativity
    • Personality change
    • Extreme change in friends or hangout locations
    • Lying or being deceitful
      • Skipping school
      • Avoiding eye contact
      • Losing interest in personal appearance, extracurricular activities, sports
      • Sudden changes in appetite
      • Sudden drop in grades and/or academic or athletic involvement
      • Borrowing money or having extra, unexplained cash
      • Acting especially angry or abusive, or engaging in reckless behavior

 Physical Signs and Symptoms (these are varied, depending on the drug being used/abused):

Stimulants can bring about:

  • Hyperactivity
  • Shaking
  • Sweating
  • Dilated pupils
  • Fast or irregular heartbeat
  • Elevated body temperature
  • Seizures
  • Paranoia/nervousness
  • Repetitive behaviors
  • Loss of appetite or sudden and unexplained weight loss

Sedatives/depressants can bring about:

  • Loss of coordination
  • Respiratory depression
  • Slowed reflexes
  • Slurred speech
  • Coma

Opioids can bring about:

  • Sleep deprivation or “nodding.”
  • Pinpoint/constricted pupils, watery or droopy eyes
  • Nausea, vomiting, constipation
  • Slow, slurred speech
  • Slow gait
  • Dry skin, itching, infections
  • Constant flu-like symptoms
  • Track marks (bruising at injection sites)

The unfortunate, but common misconception is that prescription drug use is safer than illegal drugs like cocaine and heroin: because it’s been prescribed, it’s “okay.” The problem with this ideology is doctors consistently prescribe and sometimes inadvertently over-prescribe narcotics, A: because they work, and B: because it’s easy. What this influx of prescription drugs does, however, is provide an underground stockpile of prescription opioids in the homes of our adolescents and their friends. As patients, start asking for non-narcotic alternatives. It makes no difference to the doctor but it may make the difference of life and death for you or someone in your family.

Start disposing of any unused medications and store those that are necessary in a secured place. Honestly, these days, the medicine cabinet should probably only be used for toothpaste and Tiger Balm.

Related articles
Categories
Guest Blogs Mental Health Recovery Suicide

Guest Blogging in the Recovery Community

I was recently asked to participate in Pat Moore Foundation’s Guest Blogging program. What an honor! It’s wonderful to be a part of a blogging community that not only supports other recovery bloggers but is willing to join forces with them. The blog I wrote is called “Obscure Thoughts of Suicide are Still Thoughts of Suicide” and addresses suicide and addiction from a more introspective and personal perspective. I wrote it on the heals of one of our more recent blogs entitled “Suicide, Neither an Answer nor a Solution.” With the onslaught of bullying and teen suicides, It’s important we pay closer attention to the subtle signs so we can offer help and solutions. It doesn’t feel good to suffer from suicidal ideation. It’s scary and it’s lonely. We as parents, friends, teachers, counselors, therapists, and doctors can help—one active-listening moment at a time.

Check out the guest blog from Rob Grant aka Recovery Rob on Twitter as well as the wonderful write-up he did about it. He has almost two decades of recovery and writes regularly for the Pat Moore Foundation. He is essentially, the “me” of the Pat Moore Foundation.  You can also see some of his blogs here.

Categories
Parenting Recovery Transparency

Tell It Like It Is

One thing is clear, there isn’t a definitive handbook for child-rearing. And while we

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parents try our darndest to “do the right thing,” we often fall flat on our faces as a result of being mired by our own childhood stories. I think I can safely say that most of us didn’t grow up in some idealized version of Leave it to Beaver, which is not to say that all of us suffered hellish childhoods either. Still, we have to be careful that we don’t project our own experiences and expectations onto our children. If anything, parenting provides us the opportunity to do things differently. For those of us in recovery, that may also mean facing very real fears that our kids will follow in our sullied footsteps: drinking and using much like we once did.

Adolescence is all about pushing boundaries, experimentation, breaking rules, rebellion, and other assorted behaviors us parents typically loathe. And somewhere in the midst of diaper changes, spit up, and pre-adolescence, many of us simply forget what it was like to grow up. So, if we come across our very own “little Bobby” hung over or high, we are tend to fly off the handle. The truth is, that’s the last thing we should be doing. Our indignation and outrage automatically puts our kids on the defensive, making us the bad guys and the enemy, preventing them from opening up to us. They’re already exerting their independence, distancing themselves from us as much as possible, so being reactive parents will just push them further away. Precisely what we don’t want to do during adolescence. Face it, our teens will rebel. It’s in their nature. But it’s our responsibility to learn to respond to that rebellion skillfully. Even if it means confronting suspected or known drug and alcohol use.

If you suspect drugs or alcohol abuse or already know your child is using, these are some tips from The Partnership for a Drug Free America:

  • Talk to your partner or spouse and get in alignment with one another. You need to have a united front.
  • Expect denial and even anger.
  • Let your teen know you are coming from a place of love and concern.
  • Prepare to be called a hypocrite.
    • If you are in recovery, show some transparency. Your experience and its outcome is a teaching tool.
    • If you smoke or drink, you will more than likely be called out on it by your teen.
    • Have some evidence. Denial is a key component during these sorts of confrontation.
    • Work toward a desirable and realistic outcome: don’t expect full disclosure.
    • Formulate rules and consequences with your partner/spouse beforehand. The last thing you want to do is make snap decisions.
      • Don’t set rules you can’t enforce.
      • If you have addiction within the family, discuss your child’s pre-disposition toward addiction.
      • Be transparent. Talking about your past in a general way is helpful. If we aren’t honest with our kids, how can we expect them to be honest with us?

On occasion, our young ones will ask us questions we may feel are inappropriate or too revealing to answer truthfully, but as puberty hits, and curiosity burgeons, it’s really the time to answer these things as best we can. Our fears and issues need to be set aside, because it’s in those teachable moments where we can affect change. It’s in those moments of honesty and openheartedness where we can provide outlines for healthy perspectives on alcohol, drugs, sexuality, media use, et cetera. Our kids, whether they admit it or not, rely on us to be steady and forthright. If they can’t lean on us, or depend on us, who can they lean on? Who can they trust if we stumble and trip over our own lies while we encourage them to tell the truth? It’s time to be transparent with our teens; they need us to.

Categories
Recovery

Boo! It’s Hallow’s Eve!

Ah, Hallow’s Eve, the one day during the year where one can don masks, dress like anyone

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or anything they want, and of course, eat lots and lots of candy. To celebrate this phenomena, there are parties galore, some of which happened this past weekend, and some that will occur this evening. Here are some reminders for party savoir faire:

  • Bring your own drinks if you’re concerned that there won’t be any non-alcoholic treats for you.
  • Make sure you have sober friends with you or are surrounded by people who respect your sobriety.
  • Let your sober network know where you’ll be.
  • Does your destination have a high-relapse factor? Rethink your plans. Maybe there’s something else you can do instead.
  • Have fun. Sobriety doesn’t mean you get to lose your sense of humor. Trust me on this. I act silly all the time, and I’m in my sober teens!
  • Have a plan. Parties and social events aren’t the time to try flying by the seat of your pants. When confronted with temptation, we’re not always skilled at making the best choices.

Most important thing of all? Have a good time. Sure, the times of trick-or-treating may be in our recent past, but dressing up and laughing until your belly hurts is never out of style.

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