Tag: Teen Recovery

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Mental Health Recovery Self-Care

Don’t Let Dysfunction Dim Your Light

When we come to recovery, one of the toughest realizations is the discovery of family dysfunction and the work it takes to heal those relationships. Sometimes when we heal, our families don’t heal with us. Being the addict or alcoholic or person suffering from mental illness typically makes us the focal point within the dysfunctional family. So when the healing process begins, it’s not uncommon for a family to try and divert their loved one back to their old behaviors or at least to their old emotional responses. It is what’s familiar, after all. It’s what allows the family to take the focus away from what’s happening within the family dynamic and redirect it onto the “problem.”

How often do we drink, use, starve, self-harm, et cetera, in an attempt to “manage” our discomfort and disconnection within our families? It’s not uncommon for these behaviors to be a direct response to a family’s dysfunction. Sometimes a family will continue to batter and abuse, or enable, all of which evidence their own negative interactions. In this case, the dysfunctional paradigm of the unhealthy family dynamic hasn’t changed, even though you may have. In recovery, we begin to set healthy boundaries with those who persistently spew harmful behaviors our way, but no one says creating those boundaries would be easy. It takes consistent and ardent work coupled with attention to our own reactions to our environments to effect real change.

 

We work with families all the time at Visions. Many, if not most of our families jump on board and get involved in Al-Anon, make efforts to shift their actions and parenting styles, actively go into therapy, and accept help and suggestions from our clinical staff. They honestly do their best to mend the familial fabric and understand that recovery is a family process. Still, there are some whose own dysfunction prevents the acceptance of help and promotes a culture of denial. In those cases, it’s imperative that boundaries are established and self-care is modeled effectively. In doing this, we allow our light to shine through; we allow our healing to flourish; we allow people into our lives that are safe, kind, and supportive. Being in recovery is a process, and within that process, our internal light gets brighter and stronger.

 

Visions offers family groups, parent groups, and multiple teen groups in our various facilities. These groups support the individual and their needs as well as the family and its needs. The wounds created by addiction and mental health can and do heal. Therapeutic groups provide a safe container for that process to begin. They build trust and encourage peer support, something urgently necessary in treatment and recovery. We really can’t figure this stuff out for ourselves! It takes a community of clinical and peer support, love, and patience, and healthy boundaries.

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Mental Health Recovery

Mental Health Recovery: Lose the Stigma

Recovery (Photo credit: glenn~)

Addiction and mental health are deeply woven into the fabric of our culture. Rather than stigmatizing those suffering from the confines of their minds and addictions of their bodies, it’s clear we need to provide wider ranges of treatment for recovery. Over the Visions has broadened our treatment base, continued to step away from the prohibitive nature of limited thinking, and are continuing to encompass the whole person in treatment. I just read an article that talked about the use of antiquated treatment methods circa 1950, and I was pleasantly reminded of how forward we are in our treatment programs.

 

Our mental health track has broadened to include the treatment of trauma, provide DBT for all levels of treatment, and allow for alternative methods of support when the 12-step model isn’t appropriate. Recovery isn’t one-size-fits-all, and we recognize that. Our therapists and staff devise a treatment plan appropriate for each client, supporting their individual needs while also providing them with the treatment they need. We can begin to find solace in therapeutic care, safety in our own bodies, and space in our hearts to heal from the deep wounds of our hurts. We will find that there are answers to the most difficult questions if we are ready and willing to do the work. To give up when things are painful or when the shadows are looming cease being a choice when a skillful clinical and support staff supports you.

 

Remember, healing is a process, not an easy 28-day fix. Recovery is a life-long practice that we engage in one day at a time, and some days, one moment at a time. Many of us want everything right here, right now, supersized, and fast: the typical “quick fix.” Recovery isn’t like that. Allow yourself the chance to slow down and catch your breath. Allow yourself to let go and accept help. Our brains and bodies can recover and learn to hold space for our trauma and addictions in ways that are safe and kind to us as individuals.

 

Try this for good measure. Find a group of friends whom you trust and feel safe with; make a pact to text each other “.b” (stop-breathe) when you are feeling overwhelmed or when you want to have a unified moment of mindfulness between you and a friend. By doing something as simple as this, we can create a chain of positive healing instead of polishing the old standby chain of sickness. We can recover.

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Recovery Spirituality

Guide to Finding a Sponsor

After the initial revelation of finding ourselves on a path to recovery, we have to get into action. Our first course of action is to find a sponsor: someone capable of leading us on the path toward taking responsibility for our actions. In the world outside of recovery, sponsors are those who vouch for you or who act as your benefactor. In recovery, however, a sponsor’s role is quite different. Their role isn’t to vouch for you but rather to guide you through the 12 steps. In more apt terms, your sponsor is more like a mentor.

When looking for someone to sponsor you, look for:

  • An individual of the same sex. Yes, you can have a sponsor of the opposite sex, but it’s more beneficial to you and has less potential for complications if sponsorship is gender specific.
  • Someone who has what you want. I’m not talking cars, finances or partner, but someone whose spiritual life and sense of self is something you can strive toward or which you admire.
  • An individual whom you can trust. If there’s any reluctance, look to someone else.
  • Find someone whose actions reflect his or her words. A sponsor who functions under the guise of “do as I say, not as I do,” is not the one for you.
  • Someone whose recovery inspires you.

 

When you have finally found someone with whom you are willing to do the work:

  • Call them, even when you don’t need anything. If you don’t have that relationship developed, you won’t call them when things are tough.
  • Be consistent. Remember the lengths you would take to use? Apply that same sense of urgency to your recovery.
  • If you think you made the wrong choice, realize it’s ok to move on. It’s your recovery, not theirs.

 

Your sponsor (is):

  • A guide
  • Spiritual
  • Kind
  • Honest
  • Tough when necessary
  • Works a program

Your sponsor is not:

  • An ATM
  • Your therapist
  • Your parent
  • Your best friend
  • A guru
  • Your lawyer
  • Your higher power
  • Perfect

If you are looking for a sponsor, keep this in mind: Finding the “right”sponsor may take time. If you are having issues beyond the reach of the 12 steps, your sponsor should ultimately ask that you seek professional help. They are morally obligated to do so. Remember, the basic tenants of sponsorship is to take you through the steps.

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Mental Health Recovery Spirituality

Acceptance: Recovery and Beyond

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Acceptance is a facet of recovery that challenges many of us. It can be the impetus for pushback and resistance regardless of how much sober/recovery time one has.  Initially, we begin by learning to accept the basics of recovery: our powerlessness, our mental health, and our addictions. As we progress, the areas in which we may need acceptance shift, or broaden, and the work continues. We may ask ourselves why we are not where we think we should be in our lives, and finding acceptance around that can be a thorny process. It means holding space for the fact that our addiction or mental illness more than likely postponed our hopes and expectations of being doctors or lawyers or from saving the world from zombies. Don’t worry; you can still do all of these things, though not on your original schedule. In fact, you may find yourself capable of doing a heck of a lot more!

Another difficulty for a some folks is the time and energy spent trying to please others. People-pleasing behaviors are pretty common when a lack of acceptance is involved. Behaviors like:

  • Shifting one’s reality—environment, opinions, friends, likes, dislikes–in order to please others.
  • Ignoring your own needs (see above)
  • Seeking approval from others in an effort to find happiness
  • Making others more important than yourself
  • Being inauthentic or a chameleon in order to “fit in”

Sure, accepting that we are enough as we are is not easy, especially at first. We ask for “spiritual progress not perfection,” right? However, we may be asking ourselves why we aren’t prettier, thinner, or more handsome, or why we don’t have better clothes or that cool car, or that guy or that girl. These thoughts are harmful, not helpful. As we create this ever-growing list of what we think we should have versus what we do have, we will come to find acceptance moving further and further away. Bottom line is, negative self-talk is terribly detrimental to the recovery process. It prevents us from being in the “here and now.” It prevents us from loving ourselves, which makes it more of a challenge to love others. It disallows us to accept love into our own lives. Our efforts to please others or subscribe to the expectations of others act as a filter that prevents change yet encourages codependence.

Acceptance takes time. It takes effort. It takes willingness. It is understanding that things are as they are: you pay your taxes, you obey the speed limit, you listen to your parents, you don’t drink and use, you practice self-care, you go to meetings and call your sponsor, and you take direction.

Surely, the challenges that lead to or distract from acceptance are many; in truth, writing it is even a bit nebulous because the concept is almost undefinable. Frankly, acceptance is best learned and discovered by simply beginning to take contrary actions that lead to letting go of old behaviors so we can be less reactive and more accepting in the face of adversity and discomfort.  To aptly quote Joseph Rogers, “It’s easier to work with the laws of the universe than to bash our heads against them.”

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Addiction Adolescence Alcoholism Eating Disorders Mental Health Recovery Treatment

Resolutions: One Step at a Time

Resolution (Photo credit: vpickering)

So you made resolutions to stay sober in the New Year, now what?

Like most of us, you made a bunch of lofty resolutions, some of which may seem daunting and unattainable when looked at with the eyes of reality in the cold of January.  Maybe the hangover of the holidays made you realize you need to listen to that inner voice telling you this isn’t how life is supposed to be, and maybe, just maybe you need to get sober.  Perhaps you’re thinking, “How am I ever going to be able to live without drugs and alcohol? How can I learn to be comfortable in my own skin?”

 

Fortunately, the world did not end this past year, instead we have an incredible opportunity to create our own metaphorical “calendar” wherein we can make healthier, saner choices for the years to come.  This isn’t a calendar that includes doomsday prophesies and holidays sponsored by a beer company.  This is a calendar that celebrates caring for ourselves and healing our relationships.  From here on out, we have the chance to make every day a step closer to being the person we are capable of being, potentially making those resolutions become reality.

 

So, how do we go about doing this? I recently tweeted about an article from the Huffington Post that listed some suggestions for spiritual success as a foundation to our resolutions—the suggestions mirror much of what we talk about in our blog and were nice to see out there in the digital ether. I thought some of them were worth reiterating here because these practices and ideologies are key in supporting our recovery and enriching our sober lives. We have to start somewhere, right? This is how we do it!

 

  1. Make the decision to care for yourself and get sober.  You don’t have to live in misery anymore. Recovery isn’t easy, but it’s not has difficult as carrying the shame and guilt associated with our using behavior.
  2. Seal the deal and make it public.  Tell the people who care about you the most. That means people OTHER THAN your using friends.
  3. Find a sober community that supports you: 12-step groups, meditation groups, mental health support, or all of the above!
  4. Practice asking for help: this will save your bum more than you know. It’s amazing when you eventually realize how much easier things are when you don’t have to do them alone!

 

Remember: no more doomsday prophecies be they spiritual, metaphorical, or literal. We can do this recovery thing…one step at a time!

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Addiction Adolescence Alumni Guest Posts Recovery

Alumni Post: What I’ve Learned About Myself in Treatment

submitted by Grayson

I have learned a lot about myself in treatment so far. I have learned that I have a lot of insecurities about myself and that was a large factor in why I was using drugs. I was using so much because I didn’t want to feel anything at all. I didn’t want to think about if people liked me or didn’t want to be around me, so I would use drugs to drown out those thoughts.

I know that a big reason why I feel like I can’t talk to people and have conversations is because I basically forgot how. I was isolated for so long and didn’t have conversations with people for such a long time that I forgot how to and what to talk about with people. But what I’m realizing now that I’ve been sober and in treatment is that it’s really not that hard to talk to people and to meet new people. I have also learned that there is a lot to like about me, which I haven’t thought of in a long time, and it feels good.

I have seen how fun life can be while being sober. I have not thought in a long time that I would go a day without using, but that has changed. I see how drugs have affected me physically. I never really thought that I looked any different because of drugs or while I’m on drugs. But I can now see how much of an effect it had on me physically. Since the day I got here, my face has changed a lot. I see the picture they took of me on my first day, and I look so much healthier now that I’m sober. Also my attitude has changed a lot since I’ve been sober. I think much more highly of myself, my ability to talk to others, my ability to talk in front of groups, and the way I look at myself. I do not plan to ever use drugs again in my life. I have realized that I have such a strong addictive personality, and when I use once I won’t stop.

This place has had a great impact on my life and the way I look at life. I have realized that life can be an awesome experience when sober, much better than when using. I want to continue the way I think about myself and my outlook on life.

 

Categories
Adolescence Holidays Parenting

Long Summer Days

Summer field in Belgium (Hamois). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Summertime seems to be that time of year when the common perception amongst many kids is: ultimate freedom. This perception sticks for some time, too, at least until adulthood or a regular job sets in. Think about it: There isn’t a school schedule to adhere to, there’s no homework to do, and no deadlines to meet. In many ways, summer can be the impetus for social free-for-alls: late nights, experimentation with alcohol and/or drugs. What can we do to preemptively halt the madness in its tracks?

We can start with providing some semblance of order in our kids’ lives. While school may provide the safety of confined activities and schedules that allow us to feel secure in knowing where our kids are, breaks from school can present a challenge for many of us. There’s no better time than the present to ensure that there is structure within the “freedom” of summer. Yes, that sounds like a bit of a contradiction, but we all must learn to create structure and boundaries amidst the chaos of life.

For college-bound kids, summer may have a different feel to it. It may be the last time they’ll see some of their friends for a while, especially if they’re off to different colleges. And in some ways, it may be a farewell to the freedom of childhood. College implies adulthood, and that last summer can be a humdinger.

We can start with some of these ideas:

  • Have regular family dinners. Sitting down together several days a week is a wonderful way to get grounded in family.
  • Check in with your kids. Do you know whom they’re spending time with? What they’re doing? Where they’re doing it? You should!
  • Get to know your child’s friends … and their parents.
  • Get involved. You can stay involved in your kids’ lives without being the quintessential helicopter parent.
  • Support their recovery. For example, if they’re going to college, help them find meetings in the area or support groups they can attend. Maintaining those ties are important.
  • Learn not to take things personally. While being involved is a good thing, we have to also learn when it’s okay to let go.  Remember, adolescence is prime time for individuation and sometimes that means giving the parents the cold shoulder.

Ultimately, summer reminds me of time slowing down. It’s a respite from the chilly, short days of winter. Living so close to the beach, it’s prime time for witnessing sunsets and frolicking in the sea. Even if we’re working or just busy, we are truly blessed with these longer days and warmer light. Spending time with our loved ones is one more blessing we can’t pass by.

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Mental Health Recovery Self-Care

Pursuing Happiness: Is Your Glass Half Full?

Sometimes I think attitude really is everything. I mean, if we walk into a room with a sour face and a negative attitude, then we are bound to gather the attention of our fellow sourpusses and their pals. These sorts of things act much like Velcro, fastening together similar minds and ensuring an acidic atmosphere remains intact. This trait, in its sheer nature, is not beneficial–to anyone. Yet, despite the knowledge that a change in attitude can purportedly change the outcome of a situation, it’s not always easy to do.

Enter the burgeoning practice of Positive Psychology: According to the University of Pennsylvania, “Positive psychology has three central concerns: positive emotions, positive individual traits, and positive institutions. Understanding positive emotions entails the study of contentment with the past, happiness in the present, and hope for the future.” At the core of positive psychology is a desire to encourage individuals to enhance their strengths in order to be their best selves. This differs from the psychology we are most familiar with, which aims to discover and treat dysfunction. In contrast, this relatively new field of positive psychology places its focus on helping people lead happier, more fulfilling lives. Both of these pathologies are important: when there’s dysfunction, we need to learn how to care for it, which leads to healing. At the same time, we must also learn to acknowledge our strengths so we can expand on them and live more joyfully. Lest we forget, our reactions to pleasant and unpleasant things are a direct result of our experiences; therefore, it’s not uncommon to get lost in the past, disabling one’s ability to thrive in the present.

This is where positive psychology gives us the opportunity to expand on our optimism in a potentially pessimistic, emotional environment. Part of gaining a positive mental attitude is realizing we are not our circumstances. Instead, we soon discover that we can hold those very predicaments with care and intention without getting lost in our feelings about them. Wayne Dyer says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” What a wonderful opportunity to begin to skillfully govern our difficulties! At the same time, this doesn’t mean we should be positive by being insincere or pretending to be happy about something we actually find disdainful or troubling. In other words, you don’t have to eat a crap sandwich and pretend you like it. If anything, this is a chance to garnish it with something you do like, including not having that sandwich at all.

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Inspired by this: Shawn Achor: The Happy Secret to Better Work

Interesting articles and info about Positive Psychology:

Claremont Graduate University

Mental Health News

Pursuit of Happiness

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Addiction Alcohol Alcoholism Holidays Mental Health Recovery

New Beginnings

Image via Wikipedia

It’s Passover, and you know what that means? It’s that time of year where it’s customary to drink four glasses of wine through dinner as part of the Passover story! It means giant family gatherings, with the myriad of wacky personalities. It also may mean some anxiety for the newcomer (or even someone with time, you never know!) For some, it’s this Passover week, for others, it might be the upcoming Easter Sunday. Either way, self-care is key. Ask for help if you need it, and have an exit plan–better to have one and not need it than to need it and not have it!

This particular holiday reminds me of my early introduction to alcohol. My family didn’t drink that often; holidays were the exception. Still, I have distinct memories of sitting at the family Passover table, with my thimble full of Manischewitz wine, thinking I was the coolest kid in the world. I remember the warmth in my belly, and the slight fuzz in my head (I would get sneaky and steal sips from other folk’s glasses). I remember thinking I was a part of the adult world, and a real part of my family. It was a childhood delusion, of course, but the memory stuck.

Wine has deep roots in some religions, for example, in Christianity it represents the blood of Christ, and in Judaism, the fruit of the vine. It’s an accepted, expected, ritualistic piece of the religious meal. But as we get sober and learn to participate in the rituals of our varying cultures, we must learn to make adjustments. No one wants to see you drunkenly opening the door for Elijah! We drink grape juice instead of wine, and we learn to adapt the rituals and meals to our sober, clean lives.

Passover is about freedom from slavery and tyranny; and like Easter, it’s reflective of Spring and new beginnings. What apropos likeness to our recovery! Here, we are offered an opportunity to begin to view our sobriety as freedom from the tyranny of drugs and alcohol. Our recovery is our new beginning and our new life. Remember what Chuck C. said: “You cannot think your way into a new way of acting, but you can act your way into a new way of thinking.” Have a safe, sober, and joyous holiday week.

Categories
Addiction Recovery

Service and Recovery With Heart

As I live-tweeted Intervention last night and watched the undoing of a young lady who’d experienced excessive trauma and abandonment, resulting in drug abuse, prostitution and suicidal ideation, it got me thinking. A lot. When someone is struggling with what seems like untenable, almost Sisyphean circumstances, how do you break the barrier so they can get help? My experience with sobriety and recovery from my own trauma has shown me the mind’s utterly powerful ability to protect itself. We build walls, compartmentalize, push people away by means of anger and aggression, we isolate, act like we can “handle it,” et cetera, yet when we’re alone, we tend to crumble: we get high, we cut, we starve ourselves, we overeat, we act out sexually. It never makes the pain go away.

Image via Wikipedia

Getting sober is the the doorway into healing and positive change. It’s an opportunity to look inward and make space for restoration to occur. As I watched this young lady on Intervention come undone, I watched her family react in anger and panic. This young mother reminded me of a scared, trapped animal backed into a corner. While I’m not a therapist, or even an interventionist for that matter, I am someone with over 17 years of recovery and some significant experience in dealing with trauma. Watching that show last night reminded me how much significance there is to bringing heart into what we do in sobriety as we approach the wounded. The inherent value of heart is immeasurable.
So many of us come into the rooms of recovery with those old, mental tapes playing “It’s all your fault” on a vicious loop. One of the the toughest things I’ve had to do is learn to re-record this tape. It’s possible, it just takes a lot of time and willingness to be uncomfortable. As the Buddhists say, everything is impermanent. Yes, even that lousy feeling in the pit of your stomach or the craving for drugs and alcohol. It passes. If we’re willing to allow it.

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