Sisters in Recovery
My sister and are were thick as thieves growing up… and eventually started using drugs together and literally began thieving together. This went on for years and eventually we stopped getting along once I fell in love with Heroin and she fell in love with Methamphetamine – somehow, we just weren’t compatible anymore. Go figure.
Well, by the grace of god, I stumbled into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous and have stayed clean since Dec. 2002. My sister kept using. Once I found out that there was another way to live, free from the chains of active addiction and away from the horrors that a using addict feels trapped by, I wanted her to know all about how happy I was. I wanted her to know that every emotion I felt was 10 times better when I experienced it clean (even the not-so-nice feelings). I wanted her to know that meetings and the 12-steps weren’t as lame as TV or movies had made them seem. I wanted her to know it actually took a lot more effort to get and use and find ways and means to get more drugs than it did to just stay clean and go with the flow of nature (totally appealing to the lazy addict). I wanted her to know that through the help of a sponsor and stepwork, I was actually beginning to accept myself, and work to improve in my areas of weakness. I wanted her to know everything beautiful I had experienced. Most of all, I wanted her to know that if I could do it, she could do it.
So I tried to tell her, but she didn’t care. I was devastated. Here I was, showing her a way out, that she didn’t have to live like that anymore and she just didn’t care! My vision of the two of us skipping off to meetings together in the sunset was smashed! My NA sponsor told me I was powerless over other people (places, things), in addition to being powerless over my addiction (step 1), which I found very irritating. She said the only things I had power to do were being a living example of the program of NA in action and pray for her. Sigh.
I’ve been praying for years. Five years, nine months and eleven days of prayer that my sister finds her path, whatever it may be (I eventually realized that god’s will might not look the same as my vision of what her process should be… ugh). At the end of every NA meeting, we have a moment of silence for the addict who still suffers, inside or outside the walls (meaning clean or still using). My sister’s name is the first name that I think of; it always will be. She means everything to me.
…On Saturday I visited my sister at her Drug Rehab. She just got a sponsor in Narcotics Anonymous J and now has over 90 days clean. She introduces me to her rehab buddies as “This is my sister, she has 5 years clean,” with pride in her voice. Tears come to my eyes as I write this; I can’t express how much gratitude I have that she has found her way to the beginning of her process and I’m so honored to be able to be a part of it.