Yesterday was the memorial for my friend who overdosed. I am sick of going to memorials. I am sick of watching people I love get caught up in using again and die. I don’t want to go to any more funerals. I’m not big on quoting recovery literature, but there is a line from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that always comes to mind when I think about my friends who are caught up in active addiction: People like you are too heartbreaking.
It is easy to get discouraged. Getting clean and sober in Palo Alto is hard work. When I entered teen drug treatment, I was never promised an easy road, but I was promised a better life. It is hard to work through difficult feelings. It is hard watching people go in and out of recovery. It is hard watching people die. The thing that sticks with me though, is that no one ever gave up on me. When I was in drug treatment and threw tantrums or resisted change as much as possible, no one gave up on me. No one told me I wouldn’t stay clean. The odds were stacked against me, but no one ever told me I couldn’t do it. Instead, the staff at Visions let me know on a daily basis that I could stay clean and have a better life. It took a while to believe them, but I am so glad they never gave up on me. They always believed in me. So even though I feel really discouraged this week, and really sad about my friend dying, I’m not going to give up on recovery. I’m not going to give up on my friends who are struggling right now. No one gave up on me, so I can’t give up on them. This is a difficult journey sometimes, but with the foundation I got in adolescent drug treatment, I can do anything.
Originally posted on September 19, 2009 @ 6:09 am
