I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought that I’d become a teen addict. In fact, I never saw myself even touching drugs or alcohol. I’d watch my parents drinking and be disgusted by their behavior. I was a straight ‘A’ student, I was on the cross-country team, I played soccer, and I played the piano. In other words, I was your typical sweet and innocent “goody-two-shoes” kind of girl.
But, I grew up with the feeling that I never fit in. I always felt as if I was on the outside looking in. So, when I got to high school, I decided that I was going to become “popular” and do whatever I had to do to fit in. At the age of fifteen I was introduced to drugs for the first time. The first time I got high, I felt an utter sense of relief. I finally felt like I fit in; I felt like I was finally ‘a part of’. The drugs made me who I thought I always wanted to be. I could be loud and outgoing, I could dance, and I could be the life of the party. But, things went downhill, and they went downhill fast. By the age of sixteen I was dating a drug dealer and was in lost in this world of drugs. Soon, my life revolved around using. Everything else came second. By senior year, I was missing so much school, that I almost didn’t graduate high school.
Two months before graduation, I had gone into a drug-induced psychosis. Not knowing what was wrong with me, my parents took me to the emergency room. The next day, I began an outpatient program. It was at that treatment center where I learned about the disease of addiction, and I was able to admit that I was definitely an addict. But, at that age (I was seventeen at the time), I did not think I was ready to get clean. I had to go back out and use for another couple years before I came back and got sober. But, I am very grateful for what I learned in that teen treatment center, for had I not gone there, I don’t know if I ever would have realized the true extent of my problem.
I am twenty-two now and I’ve been sober for almost two years. Since then, my life has changed dramatically. I am able to handle my feelings without having to numb myself with drugs or alcohol. I am able to experience life the way it was meant to be experienced. I feel better about myself than I have ever felt in my entire life. Through being in recovery, I have been able to look at where my negative sense of self originated and have been able to heal from that and begin a new life. Today, I am back to being a good student. I got back into running and am working towards running a marathon. Not only have I picked up my old passions again, but I have also found new hobbies, such as painting, meditation, or hiking.
My life today is amazing, and it gets better as each day passes.
Originally posted on December 15, 2007 @ 3:08 pm
