Self-obsession is a natural trait in children. Toddlers are in a stage of personal development where they must learn to attend to (and defend) their own needs and identify sources of danger to their own well-being. As preteens and teens go through adolescence, they begin to develop independence, taking the time to define their sense of self.
While empathic traits are also a normal part of being human – regardless of age – it is still normal for kids to generally put themselves first, feel jealous of others, and even seem egotistical. Narcissism becomes a dangerous trait in teens when they are self-centered and wholly incapable of showing interest or compassion for others. Teens with narcissistic traits may also suffer from other mental health disorders, such as depression and substance misuse. Seeking help from mental health professionals is crucial for early detection and treatment.
The Roots of Narcissistic Behavior in Teenagers
Narcissistic personality disorder, or narcissism as a psychiatric diagnosis, is not typically diagnosed in children under 18. This crucially includes most teens, as some signs of natural behavior may be misinterpreted as narcissistic behavior. Narcissistic personality disorder is one of several personality disorders that can manifest in teenagers. There are still a few key differences between being self-centered and true diagnosed narcissism, or NPD.
A psychiatrist or doctor may refuse to diagnose your child unless they exhibit clear signs of disordered behavior, such as severe problems with interpersonal relationships, clear lack of empathy, signs of grandiosity across situations and settings, and explosive (dangerous) jealousy. In general, teens start to develop out of their self-centered mindset around ages 15 and 16.
Teens with narcissistic personality disorder may also experience significant interpersonal problems and the risk of co-occurring conditions like borderline personality disorder.
Personal development is highly individual, so it is difficult to put an exact number on it. As your teen approaches the final stages of teenage life, they will likely change in behavior to show that they are beginning to grasp that the world does not revolve around them, that they have certain responsibilities to others. There is more to life than impressing others. But that does not mean these things happen overnight.
Parenting styles, experiences, and even advertising play a role in how your teen thinks of themselves, and the world. Your teen might not be a diagnosed narcissist, but their self-centered thinking may still be an undesirable or grating character trait that could be addressed through less drastic measures than full-on therapy. Consider speaking with a professional about how your parenting philosophy might influence a child to develop narcissistic tendencies, such as:
- Exclusively tying consequences and punishments to possessions (causing your child to place too much value in material wealth).
- Your teen’s media consumption or attitude towards advertising (advertisers and social network companies collaborate to instill superficial positivity into their customers, incentivize online engagement, and sell more).
- Your family’s attitude towards the importance of charity, volunteering, and empathic community endeavors.
Narcissism vs. Narcissist Personality Disorder
After the Greek myth of the young man who accidentally drowned himself, narcissism is defined by self-obsession, enamored with his reflection in the water. Yet, a crucial and defining part of that myth (and definition) is the inability of the narcissist to love or care for anyone else.
Overt narcissism is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder, characterized by a strong fixation on how others perceive them and behaviors reflecting self-entitlement and high sensitivity to criticism.
Teens who put themselves first may be entitled or self-centered, but not necessarily narcissistic. A narcissistic teenager struggles to function as a partner, is impacted by their negative behavior at work or school, and is disruptive. About 6 percent of people above the age of 18 are diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder.
Causes and Risk Factors of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex condition, and its causes are not yet fully understood. However, research suggests that a combination of genetic, environmental, and social factors contribute to the development of NPD. Genetic predispositions can make some individuals more susceptible to developing personality disorders, including NPD. Environmental influences, such as parenting styles and early childhood experiences, also play a significant role. Social factors, including peer relationships and societal expectations, can further shape a teenager’s personality and behavior.
Childhood Trauma and Narcissism
Childhood trauma, such as emotional or physical abuse, neglect, or parental substance abuse, can significantly increase the risk of developing narcissistic tendencies. Children who experience such trauma may develop narcissistic behaviors as a coping mechanism to deal with their emotional pain. For instance, they might adopt an inflated sense of self-importance to mask feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Additionally, parents who are overly critical, dismissive, or neglectful can contribute to the development of NPD in their children. These children may grow up feeling unworthy and may overcompensate by developing narcissistic traits to protect themselves from further emotional harm.
Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Signs of narcissistic personality disorder, including teen narcissistic personality disorder, are becoming increasingly prevalent among teenagers. This rise creates significant challenges in relationships and social interactions. Professional diagnosis and treatment are essential to help affected adolescents manage their condition and develop healthier behaviors and relationships. Signs include:
- Inflated sense of superiority.
- Exaggerating achievements and accomplishments.
- Remorselessly manipulative behavior.
- Lack of ability to empathize with others/cannot understand the needs of others.
- Arrogant and haughty behavior.
- Chases after status symbols.
- Typically leans towards valuing cerebral superiority (believing themselves as omnipotent, incomparably brilliant) or somatic superiority (focused on looks and status, allure, sex appeal, and body).
- Depression and anxiety issues.
Some risk factors associated with developing narcissistic personality disorder later in adulthood can include:
- Learning how to manipulate others.
- Sudden loss during childhood.
- Severe emotional abuse.
- An excessively critical or over-indulging environment.
- Lack of consistent parenting/caregiving (had to fend for themselves part of the time or most of the time).
Building Empathy With Your Teen
Self-absorbed teens may be helped through a targeted parenting approach. By working to address each of the behavioral flaws your teen is exhibiting, you might be able to help them achieve a different outlook and tap into their inner sense of empathy and compassion. Identifying and addressing the habits and behaviors associated with a narcissistic teen during adolescence is crucial. Understanding these traits can lead to appropriate interventions and support.
Do not expect a child to mature into an adult over the course of a few weeks but know that being needlessly and constantly self-absorbed is not necessarily healthy or normal behavior either. You could try building empathy with your teen by bringing the topic up whenever it becomes relevant.
Disciplining narcissistic teens can be challenging, and it is important to set rules and consequences to guide their behavior.
When your teen is angry that something did not work out in their favor, such as a friend canceling dinner plans due to a sudden family emergency, ask them to consider what their friend might be going through at that moment and the fear and sorrow they might be feeling. Encourage your teen to consider acting on their emotions by consoling their friend.
When something tragic happens in the news, ask your teen what they think it would be like to be in such a horrible situation. Or when they act in their self-interest while going against their word with a friend or betraying someone’s trust, compel them to take a moment to reflect on their actions and consider whether they feel guilty.
These exercises aren’t about teaching a teen to share or apologize in an earnest tone – they’re about getting them to take other people into account, take a look at the bigger picture, and grow.
Helping Your Narcissistic Teenager
A narcissistic teenager is a little more difficult to treat. Teenage narcissistic personality disorder manifests in adolescents through severe traits that disrupt their relationships and daily functioning. A psychologist will interview and review your teen’s symptoms and behavior, run tests to rule out other potential causes, and prescribe a treatment plan. In general, true narcissists will not accept treatment and would not volunteer to be labeled as needing help. You cannot convince them that something is wrong.
However, they may be convinced to consider talk therapy and change their behavior to better fit in with others and reduce the challenges of interpersonal relationships. Teens with narcissistic personality disorder may exhibit traits associated with antisocial personality disorder, such as aggression and a lack of empathy. This can help a professional slowly get to the root of the patient’s behavioral issues and thought patterns, often ironically centered around insecurity and low self-esteem, and deep-seated self-resentment.
Teens diagnosed with NPD need friends and family to help support them by highlighting their therapy goals and reminding them that it is a long-term step-by-step journey. It takes time to learn to develop one’s empathy in cases of NPD and separate oneself from the problematic thought patterns that feed narcissism. Teens narcissistic personality disorder can be influenced by factors such as family history, inattentive parenting, physical illnesses affecting the brain, and emotional abuse.
Therapy and Counseling
Therapy and counseling are essential components of narcissistic personality disorder treatment. A mental health professional can help individuals with NPD develop empathy, improve relationships, and manage stress. Talk therapy, or psychotherapy, is often used to help individuals understand the root causes of their narcissistic behaviors and develop healthier ways of thinking and interacting with others. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in helping individuals recognize and change distorted thought patterns. Family therapy can also be beneficial, as it helps family members understand the disorder and learn how to support their loved one in a constructive manner.
Setting Boundaries and Consequences
Setting boundaries and consequences is crucial when dealing with an individual with NPD. This can help them develop a sense of responsibility and accountability for their actions. Clear and consistent boundaries provide structure and help the individual understand the impact of their behavior on others. Consequences for inappropriate behavior should be enforced consistently to reinforce the importance of respecting others’ boundaries. This approach not only helps manage the narcissistic behaviors but also encourages the development of healthier interpersonal skills and a more balanced sense of self.
Conclusion
Narcissistic personality disorder is a complex condition that requires comprehensive treatment and support. By understanding the causes and risk factors of NPD, individuals can take steps to prevent its development. Therapy and counseling can help individuals with NPD develop empathy, improve relationships, and manage stress. Setting boundaries and consequences is essential in helping individuals with NPD develop a sense of responsibility and accountability for their actions. With the right treatment and support, individuals with NPD can learn to manage their symptoms and improve their relationships with others. It is a long-term journey, but with patience and persistence, positive change is possible.
