New York high school principal’s controversial prom decision.
Students at a New York high school celebrated their junior prom But instead of having an after party, they had to go home and straight to bed. This year’s Pearl River High School junior prom was on a school night. And students were expected in class the next morning.
The controversial prom was Principal Bill Furdon’s response to last year’s prom , where students students got drunk and high on posted pictures online—oops!
“We had one bus come back with a girl that was non-responsive,” Furdon said of an event where 50 teens were cited for underage drinking. “Paramedics were called here to the school.”
Students who didn’t show up at school the next day faced serious consequences. Seniors wouldn’t be able to walk during graduation, and others could lose academic and after-school privileges.
A violation of privacy? Constitutionally unsound? As a parent, is it alright to go through your kid’s property? Can you breech trust and check text messages? That’s a tricky question that only a parent can answer for themselves. However, if you suspect that your adolescent is using drugs, or using their cell phone for any illegal behavior, you have the right and the duty to investigate.
Asking your child outright may not produce the truth. If they are engaged in secretive behavior, lies are bound to follow. You might be surprised what you find if you take a closer look.
Above is an illustration kids often draw, pointing to a less than subtle clue that something was wrong. “420” refers to the time of day that pot smokers light up. April 20th (or 4/20) is also considered a pot smoker’s holiday. Kids also commonly draw magic mushrooms, bongs, or other images glorifying their drug of choice. Other things you may look for, besides drawings such as these, are empty baggies (possibly with residue or crumbs from drugs), pipes, paper, and other paraphernalia, straws for snorting, razor blades, thermoses (smelling of booze), and weapons.
Check the hidden pockets and pouches. And then there is the cell phone…Look for text messages that sound like drug deals and “sexting” is a popular pastime (sending nude pictures via text message). As a parent, know the names of your kid’s friends and know that it is your right and your duty to keep you teen safe.
It has been a little over a week since Kiefer left Adolescent Treatment Center with me, therefore, I thought it time for an update.
Kiefer was a little skittish the first few days outside of Visions secure bubble. He was easily anxious in certain situations and noticeably cautious. Several days removed from Visions finds Kiefer, relaxed, easily regrouping emotions when needed, clear eyed, largely tranquil, appropriately verbal and self expressive. We have had no meltdowns to date, however, the first AA meeting was located across the street from a local drug dealer/friend therefore we will more than likely not return to that meeting for awhile, Kiefer prior to that meeting yelled at some teenager and immediately recognized it as an emotional relapse moment – he self corrected and that is the only inappropriate event to date.
I have found Kiefer to be helpful, he organized dishwashing after Thanksgiving dinner, and has been steadily working to get his room orderly, including washing his own clothes, he is no longer “needy.” Kiefer is not asking for privileges that he knows must be earned, such as driving. I am easily able to approach Kiefer with simple requests and his is pleasant in return, yet able to let me know what his needs are.
One week out of Visions, I find possible miracles have taken place within my child/teenager.
We are having a lot of fun going to meetings, we have gone all over Omaha and tried a variety of meetings, We have received tips for good Young Peoples meetings and so we are adjusting the schedule to take in those meetings too. Kiefer has already been embraced by several young sober men. Kiefer is approaching men he has met in previous meetings and has already established a good call list. I am finding that he is pulling away from Visions and realigning himself with local AA members. It is hard to know who is “safe” at this time, I guess more will be revealed.
Kiefer appears to truly embrace his sobriety; he certainly is appropriately protective of the safe places and people concept. Kiefer today exceeds my highest expectations post rehab. I would not have asked for/or hoped for/ this miraculous outcome with Kiefer, prior to sending him to Visions, I continue to be completely convinced that miracles happen at “Camp Visions.” The test of time will certainly reveal more, however, right now, today, life is completely changed, renewed, revitalized and appreciated by not only Kiefer, but our entire family as well.
Kiefer begins his new school tomorrow, Monday, November 30th, 2009. We met with administrators Wednesday and they will be contacting the teacher at Visions for ideas. We have enrolled Kiefer in the new district and it appears they may be able to give him credit for his efforts at Visions. Kiefer is looking forward to beginning the new high school program taught at the local university, there are approximately 25 intellectually gifted students in the program and it is highly individualized. By “changing everything” I see a new light in Kiefer, I will continue to try to change things for him so that he can prosper. Since Kiefer is a Junior I see this small, personal, educational setting as a true opportunity where he can flourish and grow intellectually without the stress of a traditional high school, Kiefer is looking forward to the change and relief of “school stress.”
We also met with the family and adolescent counselors last week and begin both groups this next week in addition to individual counseling for Kiefer and myself. The family of teenagers group meets Monday and the Adolescent group meets Thursday, we may not attend the Tuesday group session as it overlaps Monday’s group. His new counselor seems to have made good initial contact with Kiefer – time will tell. We know that we will not have the same level of counseling that was available at Visions; however, we have made good contact here and are beginning to develop a local support network for counseling. I will be inquiring about the Alegent Adolescent psychiatrist on Monday, so that we can have Kiefer’s medication supported by Alegent staff, keeping everything within the same medical team. Kiefer has also decided to retain his newer physician who has knowledge of his addiction issues. I believe this to be a very good decision as it is very important for everyone on the medical team to be involved with Kiefer’s recovery program.
The only issue that I am concerned about today is the smoking issue. Kiefer continues to really want to smoke. Somewhat like the medication (which he is continuing to take without incidence) I have decided to reconsider the topic at the end of 30 days or sooner if needed and discuss it with the counselors as I have told Kiefer that the contract cannot be changed without team approval, he is okay with this and is not pressing me on the topic.
Kiefer does miss the Visions staff enormously and his friends and sponsor in California. I have told him we will plan to return to California for a long weekend during school break around the Christmas holidays. I sense a natural transition is occurring in this regard and Kiefer is beginning to build a new network of sober friends around him. He has not asked to go out however I did allow him to go to dinner with a couple of sober friends to celebrate a 3 year sobriety b-day. Kiefer returned looking happy and relaxed. We have found a few young people meetings where the demographic really is teenagers; Kiefer likes the AA houses (clubs) and has genuinely enjoyed all the meetings we have gone to. I gave him his 90 day chip on Monday; it was the same chip I got 19 years ago. We were able to find a meeting on Thanksgiving that Kiefer thoroughly enjoyed, it was a bit irreverent, and so his 90 days began on Monday, November 23rd, 2009. Sunday night we did not get in until midnight, so we did not attend a meeting, the only night since Kiefer left Visions.
The only thing that we have had difficulty getting put in order is the Southworth Monitoring program for drug testing, We are playing phone tag with the counselor, but have received the packets. Monday we shall try to make contact with her and get the program started. Kiefer needs to be the responsible party for checking in – as it is his recovery program – I will assist if necessary as I consider this to be one if the most important components for living at home. I agree with Visions wisdom that returning home on holidays is not ideal and should be avoided whenever possible. We have had a little difficulty reaching people; however, I am happy to report that having the additional family around has actually helped the week progress. Grandma is sleeping at our house since Wednesday, Kiefer’s only grandparent and the cousins have been fun – lots of wicked card playing. You will be happy to know that Susie has attended several AA meetings with us and has been a very positive support for both Kiefer and myself, she is watching for dangers and reporting to me if she sees a problem – so far only the smoking issue has come up. Susie has exceeded my expectations in this regard, her time at Visions and counseling with you made the difference, I believe her outlook is also brighter today and she sees herself as a support not only to Kiefer but the entire family as well. A side benefit is that I believe she is curbing her own drinking which is prevalent for most college students.
So far – excellent! I am trying not to get my hopes up, however, today everything is very, very, good, there is a bright future, and there is hope.
Respect is what we want from others, we want them to respect our ideas, lifestyles, beliefs and ultimately every piece of our puzzle. The major disconnect seems to be in our eager willingness to except it and our reluctance to give it. We find ourselves shocked at the fact everyone is unenthusiastic in their use of respect towards us, when we ourselves neglect to give the example of how we expect to be treated. It all boils down to respect for ourselves and others. Without it, confidence can drop, morals and values take a back seat and suddenly we are stuck in the age old dilemma where we won’t be courteous unless treated with such. A word to the wise: treat others the way you except to be treated and life will be much more fulfilling.
Self respect is an imperative quality; especially in these teenage years where self discoveries becomes the main focus of our lives. It has everything to do with self confidence and nothing to do with being arrogant. There may be a thin line between the two, but being confident ultimately leads to self respect. It is important to be proud of yourself. To know your boundaries because you can respect there are some adventures you would rather not embark on is a feature most people admire. Now I won’t claim that self respect is being true to your boundaries and your opinions even when they are to an extreme. Most of the time, I look at people who claim they are perfectly fine with their promiscuous sexuality or risky behaviors and assume they are trying to conceal the fact that somewhere deep down, they are not quite sure what they are doing. There are exceptions, but they are hard to find. The truth is it is very easy for outside viewers to see through false self respect, so it is much better to make sure the picture you portray is realistic. Self respect is not a misdeed; it does not make you less likable, it actually has quite the opposite effect.
What exactly is respect? Some sort of character trait that we are expected to learn because it is deemed as something helpful? An attribute expected to make us grateful when we fully achieve something that can be “respected” by others? It’s a combination and so much more. I may sound old-fashioned, but it is something that is meant for those we look up to. It is something meant to achieve respect from others and have pride in ourselves. It is something which helps us to understand the connection we can have with everyone. Respect is listening to someone’s opinions without having to undermine everything they say the second they say it. It is completely closed-minded and irrational to be planning a counter attack to another person’s opinion without letting them explain their logic. It happens all the time. Then to expect that same person to feel open to your assail of their beliefs and respect your opinions in a way you neglected to respect theirs is simply hypocritical. It would take a saint to be kind enough not to tune you out. We all do it, but the difference is if we recognize it is discourteous and work to change the automatic guard we put up. A large part of my perception of a person is based on their respect of people with differing ideas. I cannot express how utterly disheartening it is when I see or experience someone who is so insolent and close-minded that they refuse to allow any differing ideas to go without condemnation. Since plenty of people are so critical of others beliefs, it has become perfectly acceptable for them to be carelessly unaware of their own discourtesies.
It seems there are plenty of desirable attributes that have lost their presence in the minds of adolescents. However, there is one I believe is so vital to leading a prosperous life that it is disappointing to witness the lack of conscious attempts to achieve it. Everything depends on respect. Respect for self, respect for others, they both play such a key role in the way we live and the way we are perceived by others. Respect has lost well, its respect. That and I think people do not really realize what it exactly means to respect something or someone. It seems to be that it is so much more desirable at this age to show disrespect because it displays some sort of animosity or independence that we all too often think is just an element of this phase in life. It’s an unfortunate misconception. When I look around and see a teen text messaging or surfing the web on their cell phones during a lecture or talking back to an adult, it is appalling. Henceforth, as teenagers we are generalized into this group of people who could not care less and the truth is there is a good percent of us who are quite the opposite of what our peers are perceived as.
A drug user, especially one that has been trying to get clean and sober and is currently relapsing is quick to manipulate friends or loved ones into being “okay” with their drug use. They try to convince them “this time it will be different”. In many cases these “friends” may have some experience using drugs and/or alcohol themselves and compare their own use to that of their friend or loved one. Sometimes these “friends” are completely ignorant to drug addiction and its depths, darkness and destruction. To many, addiction is another persons, family’s reality or simply a reality show they might stumble across on A & E like Intervention or Celebrity Rehab. They think to themselves how horrible and sad, yet some one in their immediate life is struggling in exactly the same way. A drug user is resourceful, manipulative, deceiving and will do whatever it takes to get high. It is not that they are on a mission to hurt anyone even though they do so in the process. They are most likely just trying to self medicate some underlying cause like depression, anxiety, low self esteem, etc. Such is the vicious cycle. For someone to find recovery they must learn how to cope with life on life’s terms, with all its joys as well as disappointments.
What happens to you when you daughter approaches you and asks, “Mom….I need to buy a pregnancy test”. After I lifted myself from the floor, I asked that all important question. “Are you pregnant?”. Of course my daughter gets angry at me and said, “It’s for a friend!!!”. I told her since she had a boyfriend that was a reasonable question. She is a straight A student and is not on drugs….but in the back of my mind there is always a fear that she might do something that will impact her for the rest of her life.
I talked to her and found out it was for a friend. I knew that this friend is sexually active. My questions to all parents are…”There is all this information about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases available to our children…why are they having sex?….not taking care of themselves?…..Have you REALLY talked to your child about it?” These are questions that have been going on since I was a teenager and I am sure when our parents were teenagers.
Please talk to your child….they have a bright future ahead….let’s try to avoid them being parents at an early age or contracting a sexually transmitted disease that they will live for the rest of their lives.
Many teens begin using drugs because of undiagnosed mental disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Adolescent drug use is often an attempt to self medicate the symptoms and can actually be an indicator of bigger underlying issues. Understanding the entire spectrum of a teen’s issues is key in assisting them with teen recovery.
Dual diagnosis rehab is a great start to help teens both diagnose, treat, and understand the issues behind teen drug abuse. In addition to confronting addiction to drugs and alcohol, dual diagnosis treatment explores a teen’s entire well-being: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Teens are given new, positive coping mechanisms such as individual therapy, counseling, group therapy, journaling, and equine therapy, and are encouraged to explore life without the use of drugs. Counselors help get teens focused on the right path by creating custom treatment plans to fit each teen’s individual needs.
