Tag: Health

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Mental Health Recovery Self-Care

Pursuing Happiness: Is Your Glass Half Full?

Sometimes I think attitude really is everything. I mean, if we walk into a room with a sour face and a negative attitude, then we are bound to gather the attention of our fellow sourpusses and their pals. These sorts of things act much like Velcro, fastening together similar minds and ensuring an acidic atmosphere remains intact. This trait, in its sheer nature, is not beneficial–to anyone. Yet, despite the knowledge that a change in attitude can purportedly change the outcome of a situation, it’s not always easy to do.

Enter the burgeoning practice of Positive Psychology: According to the University of Pennsylvania, “Positive psychology has three central concerns: positive emotions, positive individual traits, and positive institutions. Understanding positive emotions entails the study of contentment with the past, happiness in the present, and hope for the future.” At the core of positive psychology is a desire to encourage individuals to enhance their strengths in order to be their best selves. This differs from the psychology we are most familiar with, which aims to discover and treat dysfunction. In contrast, this relatively new field of positive psychology places its focus on helping people lead happier, more fulfilling lives. Both of these pathologies are important: when there’s dysfunction, we need to learn how to care for it, which leads to healing. At the same time, we must also learn to acknowledge our strengths so we can expand on them and live more joyfully. Lest we forget, our reactions to pleasant and unpleasant things are a direct result of our experiences; therefore, it’s not uncommon to get lost in the past, disabling one’s ability to thrive in the present.

This is where positive psychology gives us the opportunity to expand on our optimism in a potentially pessimistic, emotional environment. Part of gaining a positive mental attitude is realizing we are not our circumstances. Instead, we soon discover that we can hold those very predicaments with care and intention without getting lost in our feelings about them. Wayne Dyer says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” What a wonderful opportunity to begin to skillfully govern our difficulties! At the same time, this doesn’t mean we should be positive by being insincere or pretending to be happy about something we actually find disdainful or troubling. In other words, you don’t have to eat a crap sandwich and pretend you like it. If anything, this is a chance to garnish it with something you do like, including not having that sandwich at all.

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Inspired by this: Shawn Achor: The Happy Secret to Better Work

Interesting articles and info about Positive Psychology:

Claremont Graduate University

Mental Health News

Pursuit of Happiness

Categories
Mental Health Recovery

Facing Our Fears & Meeting Our Grief

It takes more strength to feel your feelings than it does to hide them. As counterintuitive as it may seem, I’ve found this to be true. Because we encounter so much anxiety and depression in our lives and in our recovery, it ‘s appropriate to also notice the element of grief which often acts as the undercurrent and silent driving force. If there’s a history of abuse or abandonment, neglect, or bullying, there is grief. If a parent suffers from a mental illness and/or addiction, there is grief. If there’s social anxiety, there is grief. It’s a pervasive feeling, and one which we often ignore or pass off as a phase, something that happens in passing. But in recovery, be it from addiction or mental illness or both, we need to address it.

How do we face our fears—especially when they are paralyzing? How do we defy this part of being human which urges us to avoid pain at all costs? We eat to feel better, drink and smoke to feel better, have sex to feel better, live on our phones to feel better, surf the Internet to feel better, ad infinitum. We do whatever it takes to go as far as possible from that nagging pain in our guts. With the addictive personality, this behavior is even more pronounced. If there’s a mental illness co-occurring but not acknowledged, the desire to resist the fear and feelings might be even greater. It can get pretty darn lonely, especially when one’s ego and fear kick in, coupled with a refusal to ask for help.

Certainly, there is an imperative to face these fears and the grief associated with them, but we can’t do it all at once. Since it requires us to look deeply within, I have found it far more beneficial to do in pieces. Even in a therapeutic environment, one doesn’t address every single issue at once. The trouble is, addicts and alcoholics don’t like to do anything in pieces. It’s usually all or nothing. It takes a new outlook and a commitment to slowing down to start to change that perspective. But it is possible.  Keep in mind, alcoholism and addiction are oftentimes symptoms of a much greater problem. The question is, are we brave enough to determine what that problem is?  If it’s a mental illness, do we have the courage to take care of it appropriately?

Instead of attempting to lift a tree to see its roots, try lifting one leaf at a time. Eventually, when it’s time to lift the tree, it may not be as heavy.

 

Categories
Parenting Recovery Transparency

Tell It Like It Is

One thing is clear, there isn’t a definitive handbook for child-rearing. And while we

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parents try our darndest to “do the right thing,” we often fall flat on our faces as a result of being mired by our own childhood stories. I think I can safely say that most of us didn’t grow up in some idealized version of Leave it to Beaver, which is not to say that all of us suffered hellish childhoods either. Still, we have to be careful that we don’t project our own experiences and expectations onto our children. If anything, parenting provides us the opportunity to do things differently. For those of us in recovery, that may also mean facing very real fears that our kids will follow in our sullied footsteps: drinking and using much like we once did.

Adolescence is all about pushing boundaries, experimentation, breaking rules, rebellion, and other assorted behaviors us parents typically loathe. And somewhere in the midst of diaper changes, spit up, and pre-adolescence, many of us simply forget what it was like to grow up. So, if we come across our very own “little Bobby” hung over or high, we are tend to fly off the handle. The truth is, that’s the last thing we should be doing. Our indignation and outrage automatically puts our kids on the defensive, making us the bad guys and the enemy, preventing them from opening up to us. They’re already exerting their independence, distancing themselves from us as much as possible, so being reactive parents will just push them further away. Precisely what we don’t want to do during adolescence. Face it, our teens will rebel. It’s in their nature. But it’s our responsibility to learn to respond to that rebellion skillfully. Even if it means confronting suspected or known drug and alcohol use.

If you suspect drugs or alcohol abuse or already know your child is using, these are some tips from The Partnership for a Drug Free America:

  • Talk to your partner or spouse and get in alignment with one another. You need to have a united front.
  • Expect denial and even anger.
  • Let your teen know you are coming from a place of love and concern.
  • Prepare to be called a hypocrite.
    • If you are in recovery, show some transparency. Your experience and its outcome is a teaching tool.
    • If you smoke or drink, you will more than likely be called out on it by your teen.
    • Have some evidence. Denial is a key component during these sorts of confrontation.
    • Work toward a desirable and realistic outcome: don’t expect full disclosure.
    • Formulate rules and consequences with your partner/spouse beforehand. The last thing you want to do is make snap decisions.
      • Don’t set rules you can’t enforce.
      • If you have addiction within the family, discuss your child’s pre-disposition toward addiction.
      • Be transparent. Talking about your past in a general way is helpful. If we aren’t honest with our kids, how can we expect them to be honest with us?

On occasion, our young ones will ask us questions we may feel are inappropriate or too revealing to answer truthfully, but as puberty hits, and curiosity burgeons, it’s really the time to answer these things as best we can. Our fears and issues need to be set aside, because it’s in those teachable moments where we can affect change. It’s in those moments of honesty and openheartedness where we can provide outlines for healthy perspectives on alcohol, drugs, sexuality, media use, et cetera. Our kids, whether they admit it or not, rely on us to be steady and forthright. If they can’t lean on us, or depend on us, who can they lean on? Who can they trust if we stumble and trip over our own lies while we encourage them to tell the truth? It’s time to be transparent with our teens; they need us to.

Categories
Addiction

America’s #1 Health Problem

A new CASA (The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse) report on adolescent substance abuse hit the wires today. Their findings were disheartening, stating, “Adolescent substance abuse is America’s #1 health problem.” The report studied smoking, drinking, the misuse of prescription drugs, and illicit drugs. CASA also delved into the science of addiction itself, identifying it as a “complex brain disease with origins in adolescence,” and going on to document how “adolescence is the critical period for the initiation of substance use.” They not only looked at the drugs being used or the age of the user, but at American culture itself—for example, the way the media romanticizes the use of alcohol in its advertising.

Here are some highlights from their report:

  • 90 percent of Americans who meet the medical criteria for addiction started smoking, drinking, or using other drugs before age 18.
  • 1 in 4 Americans who began using any addictive substance before age 18 developed an addiction, compared to 1 in 25 Americans who started using at age 21 or older.
  • 75 percent of all high school students have used addictive substances including tobacco, alcohol, marijuana or cocaine; 1 in 5 of them meet the medical criteria for addiction.
  • 46 percent of all high school students currently use addictive substances; 1 in 3 of them meet the medical criteria for addiction

The ads we see plastered on enormous billboards on the busiest corners in Los Angeles are there to intrigue us. They aren’t just selling a beer, or some whiskey, they’re selling a lifestyle: one that’s full of handsome men and gorgeous women, all ready and willing to party at will. Life looks perfect in those ads, but we all know it is anything but perfect. It sure can seem alluring, though, particularly when we’re young, rebellious, and feeling the pressures of growing up and being “cool.” The intrigue is also directly fueled by the current generation’s perpetually perceived boredom, which stems from our culture of instant gratification. In our current climate, drugs and alcohol are culturally accepted: we have medical marijuana and a pill for every problem.

Our brains are vulnerable in adolescence and at the height of development. In fact, they aren’t fully developed until we’re around 25! As we spoke about in our recent post, once we begin indulging in the use of mind-altering substances, we are essentially performing science experiments on ourselves.

Susan Foster, senior investigator of the study, notes: “By recognizing this as a health problem and respondingto it, we can actually make the difference by improving the life prospects ofteens and saving costs in society.”  This brings us back to what I always say, get involved and start talking to your kids! Teens are under an inordinate amount of pressure: school, peers, hormones, et cetera. At some point, we have to start looking at how those we love are actually managing such an incredible stress load. I once heard a therapist say, “Little people, little problems; big people, big problems.” She was specifically talking about the value in addressing issues when they begin rather than waiting things explode. When we’re trying to preserve and heal family dynamics, it’s far less challenging to deal with an angry 8-year-old than a drug-addicted teen.

Related articles:

Study: Drug Addiction Among Teens On The Rise (newyork.cbslocal.com)

Addiction Starts Early in American Society, Report Finds(nlm.nih.gov)

Categories
Addiction Smoking

Smoking: Skinny, Gold, and Silver

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It’s been some time since cigarettes were labeled “light’ or “low-tar.” These days, over 50 countries use “gold” or “silver,” in their branding. Despite the difference in nomenclature, the misperceptions about safety remain the same: many people believe that cigarettes labeled “light’ or “gold” are somehow better for you than the smokes in the red box. “Slim” brands, which are mainly targeted toward young women are also perceived as being better for you because they’re skinny, implying less poison per hit. The truth is, tobacco is tobacco, and none of it is good for you, no matter how you spin it.

Recently, Addiction Journal published a study in which over 8000 smokers from Australia, Canada, the United Kingdom, and the USA were polled. Their findings showed “approximately 1/5 of the smokers polled believed ‘some cigarette brands could be less harmful than others.’” The research shows smokers tend to base their cigarette choices on color, they often believe smooth taste means less risk, and that filters really do reduce the risk of cancer.

One thing is for sure, the study proves a need for further regulation. One change we can eventually expect to see is plain packaging for any and all cigarettes. That means every box will look the same: sans logos, color, or graphics. Looks like Australia will be the first to try this out. It would be nice to see something take effect that successfully lessons the intrigue of smoking. If you don’t ever pick up, then you never have to quit, right? Also, if cigarette packaging ceases to look cool, there’s it’s one less reason to carry them in your purse or pocket.

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Uncategorized

The Choking Game

The Choking Game: Unveiling the Adolescent ‘Game’ of Self-Asphyxiation

Generations of adolescents have been participating in the “game” of self-asphyxiation. Often referred to as the “Good Kids Game” due to its drug-free nature, detection tends to be unlikely until it is too late. A 12-year-old recently died in Santa Monica after being on life support and spending two days in a coma.1 The growing concern is bolstered by the “new sexy name and its implication of a casual, flirtatious relationship with death.”2 The intrigue of doing something dangerous is seductive, particularly to teens, who are, by nature, risk-takers.

The choking game refers to the act of “Intentionally cutting off oxygen to the brain with the goal of inducing euphoria,”3 which results in cerebral hypoxia (oxygen deprivation to the brain). According to G.A.S.P., a non-profit support site for victims of this activity and their parents, this game is played mostly by “boys and girls between 9-16 years old” who are generally “high achieving in academics, activities and sports, and don’t want to get risk getting caught with drugs or alcohol.”4 Additionally, the growing practice of using accoutrements such as ropes and belts has dramatically increased the the deadliness of the act.

Some kids may even start by holding their breath for long periods of time, just to see if they can make themselves “pass out.” What may first appear as a breath-holding contest, however, could be the beginning stages of participating in this deadly game. Rather than getting angry, use this discovery as an opportunity to talk to your child. Our fear can drive us to panic and propel us to come from a place of anger, but if we let our kids know that we are actually concerned for their well-being, maybe they will be more willing accept our efforts to to guide them toward safer means of social experimentation.

Some of the warning signs to look for include:

  • Any suspicious mark on the side of the neck, sometimes hidden by a turtleneck, scarf or permanently turned-up collar.
  • Changes in personality, such as overtly aggressive or agitated.
  • Any kind of strap, rope or belt lying around near the child for no clear reason—and attempts to elude questions about such objects.
  • Headaches (sometimes excruciatingly bad ones), loss of concentration, flushed face.
  • Bloodshot eyes or any other noticeable signs of eye stress.
  • A thud in the bedroom or against a wall—meaning a fall in cases of solitary practice.
  • Any questions about the effects, sensations or dangers of strangulation.

Common slang terms for this “game” include:
“The Choking Game,” “Funky Chicken,” “Space Monkey,” “”Blackout,” “ Fainting Game,” “Dream Game,” “Suffocation,” “Roulette,” “Passout,” “Flatliner,” “California High,” “Airplaning,” “American Dream,” “Tingling,” and “Gasp.”

 

References for this article:

  1. What the Hell is the Choking Game 
  2. What the Hell is the Choking Game 
  3. Fainting Game
  4. Choking
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