Month: February 2011

Categories
Bullying Sexuality

Love Doesn’t Hurt

(Image by Tayrawr Fortune via Flickr)

Teen dating is rite of passage. It’s part the induction into young adulthood, and the ground on which we begin to build the foundations of having a healthy relationship. Unfortunately, “healthy” isn’t always part of the equation, and as we come to the end of February, National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month, I thought it apropos to talk about what happens if/when a relationship goes awry. As if navigating adolescence wasn’t hard enough as it is, right?
Domestic violence is an insidious beast. It’s not always obvious to outsiders and can often go undetected until it’s too late. There’s a huge element of shame associated with being on the receiving end, as well as an untenable fear of incurring further abuse. Truthfully, it’s another form of bullying, and a bully’s usual tactic is to threaten their victim with fatalistic consequences, ultimately forcing the victim to suffer in silence, isolate, and not ask for help.

Some signs that someone may be experiencing dating violence are:

    • Physical signs of injury
    • Truancy, dropping out of school
    • Failing grades
    • Indecision
    • Changes in mood or personality
    • Use of drugs/alcohol
    • Pregnancy
    • Emotional outbursts
    • Isolation

Signs that your dating partner may eventually become violent:

    • Extreme jealousy
    • Controlling behavior
    • Quick involvement
    • Unpredictable mood swings
    • Alcohol and drug use
    • Explosive anger
    • Isolates you from friends and family
    • Uses force during an argument
    • Shows hypersensitivity
    • Believes in rigid sex roles
    • Blames others for his problems or feelings
    • Cruel to animals or children
    • Verbally abusive
    • Abused former partners
    • Threatens violence

Because teens often romanticize intimate relationships (particularly this generation, which has grown up watching glorified, sexualized violence in television, film, and media), there is an inherent  belief among boys that their masculinity is defined by aggression, while girls often see their role as problem solver and passive. These attitudes fundamentally perpetuate the problem of gender inequality which so often leads to the abuse of power and the use of control in relationships.

If you are experiencing any facet of dating/domestic violence, please seek help. There are anonymous, 24-hour helplines available to you, your teachers and parents will help you, you just have to speak up. You don’t deserve to be abused. Love is respect, and it certainly shouldn’t hurt.

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Categories
Anxiety Depression Mental Health Recovery Self-Harm

Cutting: Beyond YouTube

Cutting is back in the spotlight after a study by TheJournal of the American Academy of Pediatrics brought attention to the high numbers of YouTube videos showing teens and young adults exhibiting self-harming behaviors. By simply typing “self-harm” and “self-injury” into YouTube’s search engine, Dr. Steven P. Lewis, et al, discovered numerousvideos showing various levels of self-harming behavior.After extensive review and documentation, these were the findings:

“The top 100 videos analyzed were viewed over 2 million times, and most (80%) were accessible to a general audience. Viewers rated the videos positively (M = 4.61; SD: 0.61 out of 5.0) and selected videos as a favorite over 12 000 times. The videos’ tones were largely factual or educational (53%) or melancholic (51%). Explicit imagery of self-injury was common. Specifically, 90% of noncharacter videos had nonsuicidal self-injury photographs, whereas 28% of character videos had in-action nonsuicidal self-injury. For both, cutting was the most common method. Many videos (58%) do not warn about this content.”

Researchers worry that these videos might lead to a normative view of cutting and self-harming. As one who self-harmed for years (even into my sobriety), my concern isn’t whether or not this will be viewed as normal, but rather, is anyone taking action and listening to this loud cry for help?
It’s not fun to self-harm. It isn’t a source of pride. It’s not something you share with those around you. It’s not something you do to feel “a part of” or to be “cool.” For me, it was something I did to actually feel because I was so numbed out. In the flash of the adrenaline rush, I felt alive and present when I self-harmed. I felt like it was the only way to feel “real” in my otherwise surreal life. I also felt immediate and devastating shame. It was scary. It was embarrassing. Having to explain abhorent injuries to the curious when the perpetrator is you is nightmarish.
Getting help took an act of bravery on my part. I had to tell someone. I had to talk about it…openly. I had to face my shame and fear so I could transform it into something positive. I had to do some deep, spiritual work in order to learn how to turn self-harm into self-care. I continue to do this work, so I can  revel in self-care and be of service to others. I had to build a fellowship of support that would be there if I slipped back. I empathize for the kids on YouTube. I hope someone reaches out the hand of recovery and lets them know they don’t have to hurt like that anymore.

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Categories
Addiction

Bath Salts: Not For Your Average Soak

Either addicts are getting more creative or illicit drugs are being used to make run-of-the mill products, either way, the new drug being marketed under the moniker “bath salts” is disturbing at best. These “bath salts” are legally sold at head shops, convenience stores (I swear, they’ve gotten more and more risque with their last-minute “must-haves” sold at the counter!), and of course, on the street. Honestly, when I saw the news articles on this earlier this month, I thought it must be a farce. It’s not. In Michigan alone, at least 18 adults went to the ER after using this drug!

       {Image by LilyBaySoap via Flickr}

So, what are bath salts? Well, they aren’t the common salts you find in Bed, Bath, and Beyond, that’s for sure. Rather, these are marketed under names like “Ivory Wave,” “Aura,” “Zoom 2,” “Zeus 2,” “Cosmic Blast,” and “White Rush” and sold off the beaten path, no questions asked. These designer bath salts contain a synthetic chemical called Methylmethcathinone or Methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDVP). Essentially, what you get is a powerful high with a simultaneous period of psychosis, coupled with an insatiable craving for more.

“Bath salts” produce effects similar to Ritalin when taken in small doses or cocaine if taken in larger doses. The effects of this drug can cause an increase in heart rate, chest pains, dizziness, delusions, panic attacks, nose bleeds, and nausea. And then there’s the hallucinations, which are rumored to be terrifying. Not terrifying enough, though, because apparently the pull of the drug is such that the user clamors for more despite their negative experience while under its influence.
Being a new designer drug, all the physical warning signs aren’t known yet, but since it’s not dissimilar to amphetamine and hallucinogenic use, I would suggest keeping your eyes peeled for similar erratic behaviors such as paranoia, weight loss, dilated pupils, and of course, the ubiquitous small plastic baggies.

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