Author: VISIONS

I’ve Found My Place

All my life, all I ever wanted was to feel like I fit in. I always felt as if I was on the outside looking in. I never felt like I belonged. When I was a teenager at fifteen, I got high on drugs for the first time, and finally felt like I fit. I felt comfortable in my own skin and felt a sense of belonging. The only problem was that the high only lasted for so long. And, when t came to an end, I craved more; more of that sense of belonging. So, for the next 5 years, that is what I did, I chased that feeling by drinking alcohol and using drugs. No matter what, it was never enough because the feeling was not genuine. I needed an illicit drug or pharmaceuticals to produce it for me because I did not know that what I needed was to start to love myself.

Now that I have been sober for a couple years, have worked the 12 steps, and practice the principles of the program in my life, I have finally found my place in the world. I finally feel like I fit. It has definitely been a long and strenuous journey, but it gets better each day. I no longer need a drug to make me feel ok; I can be ok on my own. And, my newfound sense of belonging is no longer temporary. It will be with me as long as I remain in contact with my higher power and stay connected in Alcoholics Anonymous.

If feels good to love who I am today. My life is far greater than I ever imagined it would be.

Elizabeth M

Shakespeare = Sober (kinda, sorta… not really.)

I was a freshman in high school when I was given an assignment to read and analyze a lengthy poem by William Shakespeare. The poem, ‘The Rape of Lucrece’ is almost 1900 lines long and, in Shakespearian form, very hard to follow for a fourteen year old brain under the influence of anything I could get my hands on. I never read the poem. I failed the class and many others that followed. It was only after I got sober almost a decade later that I discovered a passage in that same poem that has helped me maintain perspective in my own continuous recovery from the disease of more.
I was crawling through my first year of sobriety and knee deep in my guilt reading phase. I decided to read all of the books that I was supposed to read as a way to make some amends to myself. It is an endeavor that I continue still, and through which I have gained a great deal. When I rediscovered ‘The Rape of Lucrece’ I struggled through it, but was able to take with me the following:

What win I if I gain the thing I seek?
A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy?
Who buys a minute’s mirth to wail a week?
Or sells eternity to get a toy?
For one sweet grape who will the vine destroy?
Or what fond begger, but to touch the crown,
Would with the scepter straight be stricken down?

I get a lot out of those seven lines. There are more times than I like to admit that drinking and using drugs sounds like a great idea. There are those times when I don’t want to go to meetings, or call my sponsor, or be of service. Those are also the times when I can open my wallet and read that part of the poem, take a deep breath, and keep walking. “What win I if I gain the thing I seek?” What will getting loaded avail me? At the very least it is a hangover. At most it would cost me my life. “A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy?” Mere moments of the ease and comfort that comes with that first drink, and the spiral that surly will follow. “Who buys a minutes mirth to wail a week? Or sells eternity to get a toy? Who in their right mind would give up four and a half years of recovery and immeasurable progress for just ‘one more time’? Today I have the opportunity to make the right choice. One day at a time, I hope to continue making the right choice.

Brian C.-
Visions Teen Drug treatment Center

Ecstasy, also referred to as MDMA, is a hallucinogenic amphetamine that is recreationally used and abused by teens. there is a recent trend towards an increase in ecstasy use among teen entering teen drug rehab. “X” is usually taken in pill form and one pill can last between 4-6 hours. “X” is most commonly used by teens at parties, nightclubs and raves, this may be because “X” produces a blend of mellowing effects, heightened arousal and enhanced self and group consciousness. The most common side effect for teens and other users produced from “X” is a rise in body temperature, which usually results in minor dehydration, which is dangerous considering that dancing for hours without very many breaks or water is common while using this drug. Other common side effects include an increase in blood pressure, chills, sweating, blurred vision and nausea. However, heavy use can result in speed-like symptoms of paranoia, liver damage and heart attacks.
Studies show that “X” uses serotonin, which is a chemical in the brain that affects the mood. After the initial high, the user might feel depressed, tired and moody. The body eventually does produce more serotonin, but it may take some time to get the serotonin back to normal levels. Although research has not concluded that “X” will produce brain damage in humans, heavy use of the drug has produced neurological damage in rats and monkeys.

Teresa Roy
1/17/08
Blog

Household Inhalants

Abuse of common household products, often called “huffing” or inhalant abuse, is common among teens (healthatoz.com). The abuse of household inhalants is as common as marijuana with young people.

Paint thinner, liquid paper, spray paint, house cleaners, glue and solvents are more accessible and less expensive. There are more than 1,000 products that are dangerous when inhaled. Some suggestions from the National Institute on Drug Abuse, University of Michigan Health System and the AAP on what to look for if you suspect your child of “huffing” are: odors of the inhalant on clothing or breath, spots or sores around their mouth, loss of appetite and weight loss, poor performance in school, changes in behavior, unusual number of bottles or cans in his/her bedroom, or in unusual places.

I was adopted when I was born. My birth mother was 17 when she had me. I grew up as a teen using dugs with a huge resentment towards her for 21 years. I hated her for giving me up. It created abandonment issues and low self esteem inside me. felt less than, and unwanted. I was jealous of all my friends for knowing their background and ethnicity. I was jealous that they had REAL parents. I felt stupid that I didn’t know anything about myself, and when I went to the doctor, they always asked me about my medical family history, and I had no answers for them. As a child, when I got upset I had the tendency to lock myself in my bathroom and stare at my fingerprints because it was the only thing I had left of my birth parents. I dreamed about how they looked, and what my life would have been like if I were still with them but I always went back to hating them for throwing me away. Last year, I finally got the chance to meet my birth mother. It was a life changing experience. She wasn’t what I dreamed of, and the story about how I came to be was not what I had imagined. My birth mother had been raped by her step brother, and that’s how she got pregnant. She was bulimic too, so she couldn’t tell that she was pregnant until it was too late to have an abortion. I realize now that I was so judgemental towards my birth mother. I had no idea what she had been through, and I was so selfish that I never even thought about her feelings. Today, my birth mother and I are still in contact. We email each other every so often, and I just found out that I have a baby brother. They live in Portland, and I hope to visit them soon!

I started using drugs at the age of fifteen. All my teen life I was an Honor Roll Student. I never received a grade below a “B”. When I started using drugs, that didn’t change. I still managed to bring home all As and Bs. Which, looking back was both good and bad. Good because I didn’t mess up my chances of getting into college, but bad because it was that much easier to fool my parents. From my experience, parents seem to think everything is ok if their teen is still bringing home good grades. But, that’s not always true. Sometimes, I’d stay up all night on drugs and go to school to take an exam and set the curve. But, I wish my parent’s had seen through that facade, because maybe they would have intervened on my drug use earlier and I would have gotten sober at an earlier age. I knew that my parents were for that facade, and I used that as my main tool for manipulation. So, my message here is for parents to be aware that although your kid may be a straight-A student, they may be hiding a lot behind that Honor Roll report card.

To teach at an adolescent treatment center has been such a gift to me. I have recognized my own weaknesses and strengths. The residents’ struggles remind me of my own when I was their age. Their strengths remind me to strive higher than I ever thought possible for myself and others. The adolescent years are very crucial in forming their perception towards who they are and who they choose to be. It is the time that they can recognize that they have a choice. It is their crossroad.

The lists of drugs that are available today are much more extensive than when I was in high school. During my time, it was marijuana and alcohol. Now, the kids have been introduced to a variety of pain killers, more harmful drugs such as heroin, meth, cocaine and more. I feel for these kids. They have a difficult battle to fight. I have to say, they surprise me more often than I thought with their progression towards recovery than their regression towards using.

Solange Petrosspour

Salvia Divinorum, a strong hallucinogen that legal in most states, is readily available to teens everywhere over the internet. Online salvia dealers are reaching out to teenagers by marketing salvia as completely a completely safe, non addictive, spiritually enhancing herb. Many sites warn buyers that they must be eighteen to purchase salvia but there is no way to verify age online. If the teen has a credit card then the dealers will sell them the salvia. A typical warning on a website selling salvia is at the very bottom of the page in small print and reads something like; by purchasing this item, the buyer certifies they are 18 or older and responsible. The teenagers searching for salvia online, even if they are 18, will most likely not be responsible because they are searching out a strong drug which they can smoke or ingest to produce a psychedelic high. Most teens that are looking to escape from reality by using drugs are not responsible. Therefore the responsibility falls on the online dealer because dealers need to know better than to sell a dangerous drug online that teens can have access to.

When confronting teens about their drug use, teens often respond with minimization, rationalization, excuses and flat out lies. If you find drugs in your teen’s room and confront them on it, you may hear things like; “those aren’t mine”, “I bought them, but decided not to use them”, “I have only used them once”, “My friend bought it and asked me to keep it for them”, “It’s only weed, it’s natural” or “Thurman Murman gave it to be for free, so I’m not spending your money”. If signs are pointing toward your teen and drug abuse, when confronting them, you may hear things like; “I’m just all way tired”, “I’m just not hungry”, “I’m not interested in college anyway”, “I’m FINE”, “Stop trying to ruin my life”, “My eyes always look like this”, and “I don’t smell like chemicals, that just my detergent”.
If you suspect your teen of using drugs, contact a professional. Tell the professional, only the facts about what is going on and not what your teen may be trying to convince you about. The professional will then be able to better guide you toward a solution. It is import to communicate your teen. But remember, drug users are not the most honest people in the world. Take what your teen says about his/her drug use “with a grain of salt”.

I quit smoking cigarettes after inhaling them for 14 years. I miss them every day and I probably think of them every other minute at the moment. It is a challenge and one that I didn’t even anticipate making. One day I basically hit my bottom with cigarettes. My body felt like it was starting to shut down. I would get headaches everyday from smoking, which then made my body tense, which then gave me no motivation or oxygen circulation, which then the list goes on and on. The bottom line is, every part of my being was starting to get affected by this disease of addiction.

Working at a teen treatment center that deals with addiction has been a blessing for me. I am aware that any addiction has an underlying psychological motivation. For me, to let go of cigarettes is painful for it feels as if I am letting go of the love of my life. I understand this sounds silly and yet this is what the young adults at teen treatment centers with drug and alcohol addiction feel as well. It is strange. It is strange to love something so harmful towards us. It’s strange to be ok with poisoning ourselves for so long and then one day decide that it’s not ok to do that anymore. The thing is I would never stop smoking if my body could handle it. And yet as a responsible adult I have to be aware of the choices I make in life. I am not even angry that I have to stop, I am only extremely sad that I can no longer continue.

Anonymous