Month: December 2020

Categories
Parenting

Helicopter Parenting: From Good Intentions to Poor Results

We all want the best for our children. But there is so much more to parenting than just good intentions, and sometimes, even when we do our best to act according to those intentions, we end up doing more harm than good. Parenting can be challenging – especially when the best thing we can do for our teen takes a step back and allow them to learn from life.

When we fail to recognize these opportunities and try instead to micromanage our children’s lives and individual decisions, we often end up stealing an essential lesson from them. Moms and dads who take their love too far and become overbearing might find themselves turning into helicopter parents – leaving their kids unable to deal with life’s challenges when they are not around.

What Is a Helicopter Parent?

A helicopter parent is a term coined to describe many different parenting techniques and behaviors that can best be characterized by a need to self-insert in a child’s autonomy, make all of the critical decisions for them, and remove all adversity. Helicopter parents can be found “hovering” over their children. Sometimes, they might feel they need to always be around for their kids, perhaps more so than their parents were.

Others might inadvertently or even consciously see their children as a chance to start life over, which can be an incredibly unhealthy mindset to have. On the surface, a helicopter parent sounds like someone who wants the best for their children – but it becomes abundantly clear that doing too much can backfire in many ways, as kids (and especially teens) need to learn to develop independence the path to adulthood.

Why Is Helicopter Parenting a Bad Thing?

Behaviors and techniques that can be interpreted as overbearing, or signs of a helicopter parent, have a marked effect on children and young adults’ psychological development. Overprotective parents, intrusive parents, and parents who intentionally or inadvertently stole their children’s autonomy during research tended to be raising kids with lower self-esteem, more significant anxiety issues, social communication problems, and more.

On one side, children who are not put through life’s paces in one way or another never develop the skillset needed to be their person. On the other hand, they intuitively pick up that whenever their parents step in to “help” or solve any problems, they are:

    • Incapable of doing it themselves, and thus not good enough.
    • Supposed to fear what they are being protected from.

Effects on Self-Esteem and Mood

A study specifically aiming to research the effects of helicopter parenting on developing young adults found higher incidences of low mood (depression), anxiety, and self-esteem issues among the children of parents who were more likely to engage in helicopter parenting behavior. Helicopter parenting was also associated with “poorer functioning in emotional functioning, decision making, and academic functioning.”

Intrusive Parents and Increased Anxiety

While one facet of being a helicopter parent is taking away independence and a chance at autonomy, another is shielding a child from a challenge, thereby inadvertently handicapping them. Researchers found that parents who intervened more often in a puzzle-solving exercise meant for their kids tended to have children who more often struggled with anxiety as well, as they might have grown up to perceive challenges as being more threatening than they are.

Signs of a Helicopter Parent

It might feel like the line between a caring, attentive parent and a helicopter parent is quite acceptable. Still, definitive characteristics set the two apart and distinguish those who hover over their children. Those who strike a healthy balance between offering love and support to children need to be safe while giving them the necessary freedom to develop in their intrinsic way.

Wanting to Know Every Detail of Your Child’s Life

Much like any good relationship, there is a limit to how much control you should exert over your child’s life and an inherent need for trust. One sure sign of a helicopter parent is the need to know every detail in a teen’s life, often betraying their faith or intruding on their privacy.

The term “helicopter parent” became popular among college admissions staff when they realized that a certain kind of parent was more likely to insert themselves into the admissions process than let their children and their respective accomplishments speak for themselves.

Direct and Intrusive Interventions

The next step towards distinguishing a helicopter parent from other parents is a direct and unwanted intervention. Helicopter parents involve themselves in who their children meet and play with, who they become friends with, who they date, what their interests are, how they develop academically, where they invest their time, and much more.

They do this all in the interest of wanting the best for their child but might be doing so without first considering what their child wants. This behavior can be incredibly toxic in families that prioritize filial piety. There is inherently cultural and societal pressure to put one’s parents’ wishes first, breeding resentment and self-esteem issues.

Appearing Too Restrictive

The line between protective and overprotective is often the most blurred, as parents may often be rightfully worried about their children’s safety while acting independently or alone. It is not easy to distinguish between when it is right to intervene and hold back. But helicopter parents set themselves apart in protection and restriction by making two distinct mistakes:

    1. Failing to support their children’s choices.
    2. Taking control over nearly every decision they make.

Simply avoiding these behaviors might not necessarily be enough guidance for parents who feel intuitively more likely to lean towards overbearing behavior with their children out of an overdeveloped sense of protectiveness or fear of seeing their child hurt. The core argument against helicopter parenting is that children must learn to become autonomous to survive as adults.

An essential part of growing up is learning from mistakes and taking responsibility for one’s actions, without intervention from friends or family. Support is not intervention, and you must take care to make that distinction and define and uphold certain boundaries where you should not interfere with your child’s life.

Categories
Anxiety Depression Holidays

Helping Your Teen Navigate Holiday Depression and Anxiety

While we usually consider the holiday season a time for joy and cheer, that feeling is not universal. Among people with mental health issues, over half (64 percent) report that the holiday season negatively impacts their condition, with 40 percent reporting that they feel somewhat worse and nearly a quarter (24 percent) reporting feeling much worse. One respondent in a survey for the National Alliance on Mental Illness stated that the “holiday season beams a spotlight on everything difficult about living with depression.”

While millions of Americans are doing their best to find the right time and space to spend with their family, the looming threat and ongoing destruction caused by COVID-19 further weighs on people’s hearts, raising anxieties about seeing friends and loved ones, and reopening fresh wounds caused by the loss of family members. There’s also seasonal/holiday depression, which affects up to 20 percent of people with major depressive disorder (MDD) and worsens depression during the winter months.

If you feel that your family, and especially your teen, are taking things quite hard during this year’s holiday season, then know that you are not alone. Millions of Americans are in mourning this year. The financial impact of a pandemic only further heightens anxieties around finances and finding work, not to mention the pain of missing family during one of the most important social occasions of the year. Understanding how the holidays might affect your teen and make them feel can help you identify the best way to help them.

Understanding the Highs and Lows of Holiday Depression

Seasonal/holiday depression, also referred to as seasonal affective disorder (SAD), is a mental health condition that affects about 3 percent of the general population. Between 10 and 20 percent of people are affected by MDD, and nearly 25 percent of people are affected by bipolar disorder. Seasonal/holiday depression is a mood disorder characterized by symptoms of depression, especially during the winter months, usually tied to a combination of factors including:

    • Everyday holiday stressors around family.
    • The pressure to be social.
    • Financial stress.
    • Drastically lowered levels of daylight, which can affect the brain and induce a negative mood.

Only about 10 percent of people with seasonal/holiday depression experience symptoms during the spring and summer months, rather than the fall and winter months. Seasonal/holiday depression should not be confused with the winter blues, a separate phenomenon involving a mild dip in mood during the holidays. People with seasonal/holiday depression experience more severe symptoms, including:

    • A marked decrease in self-esteem.
    • Noticeable signs of hypersomnia (excessive sleep).
    • Intense cravings.
    • Rapid weight gain.

While the causes are not entirely laid out, research indicates that the holiday season’s stressors may be exacerbated in some people by disrupted body clocks (circadian rhythm issues) and a lack of sunlight leading to lower production and release of important mood controlling neurotransmitters, like dopamine and serotonin.

If your teen’s mood dips severely over the holidays, then know that their low mood and irritability might not just be in response to recent events but also the winter months’ general effect. Certain protective factors and condition-specific treatments (like light therapy, utilizing artificial UV light) may help them cope better. Unlike the winter blues, seasonal/holiday depression must be diagnosed and treated by a professional.

An Especially Difficult Year

Regardless of whether your teen’s mood is significantly impacted by holiday stressors and a different day-and-night cycle, no one would argue against the fact that this year is filled with extraordinary circumstances. We could all stand to have a little more support during this challenging year.

While some of us might be keen to see it end and are eagerly looking forward to celebrating the coming of a new year and new opportunities, others reflect on the past 12 months’ events with sorrow and pain. Your teen might be reminded of a close friend or relative’s death whenever they feel the “holiday spirit,” or they think your stress from months and months of anxiety and back-to-back bad news, and it is wearing on them as well.

It takes time to recover from loss and pain, in any shape or form. But if the holidays serve up a final stinger rather than a soothing balsam, acting together could help you and your teen find some peace and make the best of things. Here are a few tips for seeking emotional stability and overcoming low moods during these next few months.

Establishing and Maintaining a Healthy Routine

The holidays can feel massively disrupting for many, especially for teens who rely on a steady routine to keep their feet on the ground and manage feelings of anxiety or loneliness. Maintaining a healthy routine even throughout the holidays might feel like it is not doing a special occasion any justice, but it may help your teen feel stable. Elements of a healthy routine might include:

    • An hour or two of exercise.
    • Limited screen time.
    • Working on a project individually or together (like fixing up an old car, learning to cook new meals, finishing a book, or practicing an instrument).
    • Continuing to work or study (or find an equivalent activity).

Having Things to Look Forward To

For many teens who are feeling down during the holidays, these next few weeks might serve mainly as a reminder of what could have been or of the sorrowful events that had come to pass in weeks prior. Having something to look forward to can help serve as a reminder to move on or focus and be grateful for future opportunities. The next date with a friend, a new graduation day, the first day of a new life at school, or even just the new year and what it might bring. Holding onto the hope of something better is essential.

Making a Difference Over the Holidays

The holidays aren’t just a time for gift-receiving – they’re also a time for gift-giving, and sometimes, that gift doesn’t need to be a new phone or a fancy necklace. If your teen is feeling down, helping those in need during the winter months (and during a pandemic) can help them reap the benefits of kindness and gratitude. There are many ways to help, from donating unwanted old clothes to volunteering at kitchens and handing out supplies. See what is being organized in your local neighborhood and pitch in with your teen any way you can.

Warning Signs and Getting Help

Sometimes, the best thing you can do to help your teen is getting them the help they need. Suppose your teen has been making frequent references to self-harm and suicide, has changed drastically in terms of personality and interests, has become entirely recluse and intensely irritable, and is generally unresponsive to all attempts to help reincorporate them into family life. In that case, it might be best to call a professional and ask for help. Convincing your teen to come to see a specialist might be difficult, but they may also be waiting for you to take notice and offer serious help as their thoughts and behavior spiral towards depression.

Categories
Substance Abuse

Kratom Use Among Teenagers Is on the Rise

Kratom is a tropical plant indigenous to Southeast Asia, particularly the Malay Peninsula, Indonesia, and Papua New Guinea. Botanically it belongs to the coffee family, and it contains several psychoactive compounds that mimic stimulants and opioids. It is sold in its original form, and it can be obtained legally in powdered form or as a tea in several states in the United States. It is usually touted as:

    • Anti-anxiety supplement
    • Herbal remedy for chronic pain
    • Treatment tool for opioid addiction

However, the evidence for its efficacy – to any degree – is fragile and mostly anecdotal. Most studies on kratom are of low quality, and more research is needed. Similarly, it is not clear to what degree the drug is addictive. However, it leads to withdrawal symptoms and can interact with other alkaloid drugs (including illicit stimulants) and opioids.

Is Kratom Dangerous?

While kratom has been used recreationally in Southeast Asia for at least about a century, especially in combination with cough medicine, its prevalence and use in Europe and the United States is a relatively new phenomenon. Although the herb is not a scheduled drug in the United States, it is considered a controlled substance in 16 other countries due to its psychoactive properties.

Just as there is a shortage of evidence to suggest that kratom has any legitimate therapeutic use outside of its marketing hype, there is also little evidence to suggest that it is hazardous on its own. However, it can quickly become dangerous in combination with other substances, and there have been cases of kratom use leading to adverse reactions, including:

    • Tachycardia
    • Hypertension
    • Seizures

Furthermore, there have been reports of addiction – especially among teens – in cases of excessive kratom use, meaning the herb should still be kept away from minors. A lack of any research on its long-term effects should also give people pause.

How Does It Affect Teens?

The primary psychoactive compound in kratom is an alkaloid named mitragynine. Its claim to fame is its interaction with opioid receptors, which has had both chronic pain patients and recovering opioid addicts drawn to it as an alternative for overcoming withdrawal symptoms safely or as a potential painkiller. In lower doses, users report stimulant effects, much like a potent coffee or even certain types of ADHD medication.

Its use among teens has been reported particularly as a “smart drug” or study drug – a substance used to pull all-nighters and prepare for exams. It should be noted that these substances are not proven to enhance a student’s ability to retain information or improve test scores and always do more harm than good. In higher doses, users report feelings of euphoria and a greater likelihood of withdrawal.

Withdrawal symptoms do not always indicate addiction, as they are a natural occurrence when the body adjusts to a specific dose of any drug. However, multiple clinics have reported cases of families with teens who exhibited behavioral signs of addiction, including severe irritability. Not enough is known about how kratom affects teens differently from adults or how their long-term use might affect the developing teen brain.

However, it should be noted that teens are generally more susceptible to psychoactive compounds and their addictive potential – and that teens exposed to addictive substances are more likely to become addicted than if they first tried substances later in adulthood. The teen brain is not fully matured, which means the neurological changes over prolonged and chronic drug use may occur faster and more intensely in teens than adults.

Why Is Kratom Legal?

Kratom is legal mainly because there has been quite a lot of public backlash against criminalizing it without further research, especially given the push to decriminalize marijuana. Much like how individual compounds within marijuana have legitimate pharmaceutical uses, further research may help us isolate whether kratom can help people and in what form.

Proponents of the drug argue that banning it would harm those currently relying on the herb for medicinal purposes. On the other hand, the FDA announced that kratom had recently been involved in the deaths of at least 44 people, and the Department of Health and Human Services recommended a ban in a private memo.

The National Institute on Drug Abuse, however, noted that these deaths involved poly-drug use, and it isn’t clear still what danger kratom has on its own. The debate on the drug rages on, and it is hard to tell whether it is slated to be banned in the next few years or whether mitragynine or another compound within kratom will find therapeutic use.

Parents and teens are especially advised to be very cautious – even in its pure and natural form. There is no telling what effects kratom may have on the body over time, let alone whether there are genetic factors to consider that might affect its efficacy and addictiveness. Furthermore, nearly all kratom products are processed in one way or another, and the FDA does not approve its use.

Spotting and Avoiding Kratom

Kratom is usually sold in powdered form or as dried leaves for steeping kratom tea. When steeped, it produces a very bitter tea. It may also be sold in capsule form or smoked. Most kratom products advertise themselves as such due to the established marketing surrounding the drug. Teens may be told that the drug has stimulant effects and can:

    • Help them prep for a test
    • Relieve anxiety
    • Help with depression and stress

None of these claims are proven. Because of the lack of regulations and oversight on the drug’s production and processing, it is also unclear what other substances might be mixed into any kratom or “kratom-related” products. Teens especially are advised to steer clear because they may be targeted as customers for lower quality kratom products. If you think your teen has been using kratom or another potentially addictive substance, it is essential to bring it up with them.

Kratom use has been on the rise in boutiques and online shops around the country, and it is not typically seen by most as a dangerous or potentially addictive drug. They might not understand that it can still be dangerous even they are only getting the expensive, lab-tested, or “pure” products. Until we know more, kratom is a drug with addictive potential and unknown long-term effects.

Categories
Mental Health

What the Heck Is Sadfishing?

The one thing teens and parents alike can acknowledge about social media is that it feels good to be connected to the world around you – and that there is something innately rewarding about seeing people react to the content you put online. That interaction can be profoundly addicting. Not in the same way that drugs like alcohol or tobacco are addicting, but in a completely different way, like a bad habit that is tough to shake.

Sometimes, teens find out that certain kinds of posts elicit more attention than others. They are quick to catch on, even indirectly, that by playing on people’s empathy and emotions by posting troubling or melancholic content, they can get more popular online. Other teens are going through the struggles they are describing but use social media to vent their feelings without considering how this behavior might expose them to dangerous and manipulative risks.

Most kids do not mean much by doing this, let alone feel like they are “lying” or acting maliciously. They might not even realize that what they are doing is that big of a deal. Other kids and adults alike understand that what they are doing is deeply misleading – and do it anyway, for attention or profit. When people post sad content online specifically to draw attention to themselves and provoke a reaction, they are “sadfishing.”

Teens who are sadfishing might not necessarily feel sad. Others feel sad but are unlikely to acknowledge it with their parents, let alone a professional, and feel more comfortable eliciting support from their online followers. In both cases, sadfishing is a troubling phenomenon and points towards larger issues revolving around the excessive use of social media and its influence on teens’ drug use and mental health.

More Than Just Attention Seeking Behavior

Teens are not dumb – but they are far from wise, and many teens fail to think about long-term consequences. They tend to do things on a whim, which is part of why social media can be a double-edged sword for many adolescents. While it is certainly a useful way to stay connected to others, it also tends to reward teens who become a little too revealing with their thoughts and personal lives.

These platforms tend to heavily incentivize content that rewards users to crave more attention – no matter how vapid or shallow the engagement might be. Even teens who are not necessarily prone to seeking attention are effectively lured into tailoring their online persona in ways that might elicit more attention, including sadfishing. Because teens tend to spend more time online anyway and are less likely to realize how their habits might be affecting them, they are also more prone to engaging in this type of behavior.

In other cases, sadfishing is more than just an innate need to keep up with other friends by boosting your online metrics. Some teens resort to sadfishing to soothe their real fears and anxieties, not by seeking help but by effectively resorting to a “quick fix” in the form of distance, “safe” online interaction. This can feel less invasive or direct than real help, even if it can also open the door to grooming behavior from dangerous adults, especially on platforms with fewer minors’ protections.

The most troubling and challenging aspect of sadfishing is that it can be challenging to detect sincerity. While all teens who are sadfishing are explicitly looking for people to react to their posts, some might be struggling with a few of the emotions they’re describing – while others aren’t. By extension, this can harm a teen’s credibility and the bonds of trust they have built with other people.

As the phenomenon grows within a social circle, it becomes less and less likely for severe posts about mental health issues to draw the kind of attention they should. A cry for help is misinterpreted as yet another exaggerated claim written to bait a conversation online or get more likes. This cry wolf effect might extend to kids who do not usually make attention-grabbing posts but do not know how or where to ask for help.

Why Teens Resort to Sadfishing

We generally do not normalize talking about mental health issues, at least not in a brutal way. And some teens might be unaware of how or where to seek help or do not like the idea of needing help in the first place. Posting a cry for help online can be a way to express oneself. Thankfully, sadfishing is easy to recognize, even if it is not easy to categorize. It would help if you got the chance to see what your child posts online, albeit with their permission.

Your teen is much less likely to accept an offer for help if they feel you are effectively spying on them. Be sure to check in with them now and again and offer them the opportunity to open to you themselves, without confronting them about sad or melancholic posts out of the blue. Open dialogue with your teen about following their accounts and seeing what kind of things they post. Note that teens nowadays tend to make multiple accounts anyway.

These are carefully curated online personas and “fake” profiles designed to act as a whimsical or emotional vent or just a place to post memes and inside jokes (so-called “finstas“). If your teen does not want you to see their finsta, it is up to you whether you would like to trust them enough to respect that wish and ask that they talk to you whenever they need to or decide to try and find it anyway.

Depression, Anxiety, and Social Media Use

Social media is not black or white. Excessive use of social media has been linked to higher rates of depressive or anxious thinking. Some teens are more likely to be affected by the negative aspects of online media use than others. There are also clear dangers regarding social media, from unsolicited messages and potential predators to the effects of highly curated photo feed on a teen’s self-esteem and perception of reality.

It is essential to have these conversations with your child and ensure that they understand that online spending a lot of time can be a double-edged sword. Restricting their media use by cutting down on the amount of time they spend on social media every day can help. Whenever a new technology comes around, older generations tend to worry about its potentially corrupting influence on the youth.

This phenomenon traces as far back as the invention of the printing press. But there is genuine evidence that excessive screen time is affecting teens negatively. There’s a linear relationship between more smartphone screen time and lower wellbeing among adolescents. This does not make the Internet evil – and there are arguments for making sure your teen has access to the Internet and the wealth of information and possibilities it enables.

However, limiting access, at least during the formative years, might help curb the harmful effects of social media, from maladjusted perceptions of the world to being far too open about one’s private life or resorting to habits like sadfishing for more likes and engagement.

Categories
Holidays Mental Health

‘Tis the Season to Be Sober and Safe

Despite being the season of holiday cheer, many Americans report being anxious during the winter months. Those fears are slated to grow immensely in the wake of COVID-19, following months of social isolation, fear of infection, and an expected jump in cases. Furthermore, these worries and anxieties are compounded by the growing risk of the winter blues, and Americans tend to drink more in the final months of the year. Alcohol-related deaths surge to an all-time high every December, from drunk driving to alcohol overdose. If your teen has a drinking problem – or if you have recently gotten on the wagon and are understandably anxious about the months ahead – it is essential to formulate a sober game plan for the rest of the holiday season and know what to expect.

Depression, Alcohol, and the Winter Blues

Depression and alcohol have a volatile relationship. While drinking does release neurotransmitters that uplift mood, that positive uptick is only temporary. The long-term picture is far less rosy – alcohol has a fundamental impact on the brain, especially the developing teenage brain, and can lead to low mood regulation, worse mood swings, more significant anxiety, and more severe symptoms of depression.

Long-term excessive alcohol use worsens many different mental health issues. This pairs badly with the winter season, which is generally tied to lower mood in those susceptible to mood disorders, from mild winter blues to more severe cases of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a type of depression that is triggered and worsened (although not necessarily caused) by the change in sunlight towards the winter months, as well as the general stressors surrounding the holiday season.

There’s a lot of research on the co-occurring nature of addiction and mood disorders and how the holiday months impact and challenge sobriety. Even for teens and adults who aren’t addicted, it’s critical to be aware of the general dangers of alcohol and impairment during the holiday season, as part of the significant uptick in fatalities during and around the winter months are caused by drunk driving and myths surrounding alcohol use and impairment.

Avoid Environmental Triggers and Risk Factors

The most important thing is to remove temptation. Given the nature of the holidays this year, families will have an easier time setting their own rules for how they want to celebrate without necessarily inviting everyone over – which means there is no need to conform to typical traditions of alcoholic eggnog, wine, and New Year’s Eve champagne. If you want to support your teen’s sobriety, then avoiding drinks around them is an important step.

For the Sake of Your Sobriety, Take Each Day as It Comes

Holidays are an integral part of our culture to mark and commemorate important events and celebrate with family. However, the pressure of celebration and grandiosity might not help in early recovery, especially when developing a routine that emphasizes steady schedules and the mundane. To that end, try to remember that even on New Year’s Eve, the sun continues to set in the west, the Earth continues to rotate at the same pace it always has, and the day continues to have its 24 hours as it always does.

While the holidays are unique to many of us, a day is a day, and it is essential to stick to the routine and not feel like all of this is building up to some momentous climax. For the sake of this year, and any other time when it is all becoming too much, and the future seems unbelievably uncertain, it is essential to remember that it is your priority to remain sober. There will always be some small part deep inside thinking about how great a drink might be on lonely or hard nights, and it gets louder the lonelier and harder the night is.

But that voice is wrong, and you have countless experiences to recall that prove that it is wrong. Be with friends (physically or virtually), find alternative ways to have fun, commemorate the holidays, and take pride in every sober day. It might help parents understand that making a big deal of the holidays can feel very intimidating to teens trying to develop some sense of normalcy and control over their lives after recovery. It is essential to communicate with your teen and figure out what they think about the holidays and how they feel.

Contribute to Your Own Sober Holiday Traditions

Research shows that doing good and helping others can have a tremendous impact on the human psyche and improve our mood and self-esteem. And if there is any time to do good, it is right now. People are hurting all over the country, and they’ve got a long and harsh winter ahead of them.

Consider doing all you can to contribute to feeding and housing the homeless, providing winter coats and fuel costs, or helping nearby families and people in need. There are plenty of ways to help this winter. Check local newspapers and Facebook groups and check your local homeless shelters and community housing organizations for notices.

If You Experience the Early Warning Signs of Relapse, Seek Help

It would not be an addiction if it were easy. Alcohol relapses happen, and they might happen more often during the holidays. More stressors, more temptations, and given the terrible events this year, more “reasons” to throw caution to the wind. If you feel yourself losing control or relapsed, call for help as soon as you can.

Sometimes, relapse is part of the recovery process, and you learn a little more each time. No one wants to start 2021 on the path to rehab. But you cannot always stay sober alone. Support from loved ones, friends, and professionals can help you navigate the holidays. While it is ultimately up to you to maintain your sobriety, addiction is a powerful disease. Stay sober, strong, and ask for help if and when you need it.

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