Quitting Smoking: A Ride on a Camel
I woke up at the usual time this morning, 5:30 am. Next I did what I do every morning and probably what a lot of people do across the world. I lit up my first camel of the day. It is something I have done for as long as I can remember, SMOKE!!! The strange thing is I don’t even really enjoy it anymore; it has become a pattern, a habit. However if I don’t light one up there is an overwhelming feeling of anxiety that hits like a tidal wave. About six months ago I tried to quit, well sort of, I never really had too much commitment. The reason I was trying was because the people around me were worried. Strange though the more they worried and complained about my smoking the more I wanted it. Kind of reminds me of when I was using drugs/alcohol. My mind thinks in the same addictive manner when it comes to everything; tell me I shouldn’t due it, tell me its bad for me and it makes me want it more. It’s insane, that same thinking, I’ll show you I’ll hurt me. Fortunately I am in recovery now and have almost five years clean and sober; so why can’t I quit smoking? I just crushed out a camel and writing this blog discussing smoking makes me want another; hold on gotta get one be right back. Ahhh, much better, but not really, it is just the same old pattern. Oh the dilemma that one goes through in trying to quit. It is time to give it another go. So what is the point of this blog? It is an introduction into my world and my ride with a camel; its time to get off the ride. If anyone reads this or wants to try to quit, maybe we could try together. Each week I will be adding an entry of the crazy making my mind goes through in quitting smoking. Respond to these blogs if you share the same type of feelings or frustrations around quitting. If you think its stupid or I am weak for not being able to quit, well you can respond with that also. Strange I psyched myself out so to keep me honest next week on Wed. October 8, 2008 it will be my first day of not smoking. I will share with you all the happy, joyous feelings I am having at that moment, just kidding, I will be pissed off but I will try, how about you? See you in a week!!!
Brian Wildason
