Month: January 2011

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Mental Health Recovery Spirituality

Acts of Kindness

I came across a beautiful article written by Ed and Deb Shapiro, authors of “Be the Change” in which they call for a “Revolution in Kindness.” Their article expressed the need for compassion and kindness and asks us to change our actions. It really made me think about recovery and how we so often come into the rooms bereft of problem-solving skills, angry, and hurting, and lashing out.

Most of us come in as the antithesis of kind. The change we experience in recovery is profound as we learn to transform our programmed responses to people, places, and things. Truly, these new actions do require a sort of metamorphosis. As we begin the recovery process, we are choosing to cease fighting. We admit we’re wrong, we admit powerlessness, and slowly, we begin to learn how to function gently and with clarity.

It’s tough to admit we’re wrong, especially when we are attached to the context of the situation itself, and even more so when we’ve invested so much energy in our anger and its corresponding story. But wouldn’t it be liberating NOT to fight–to admit that you are (gasp) wrong?! Sounds crazy, I’m sure, but think about it: so much of our conflict is created because our egos command us to prove we’re right (even when we’re not!). We often fight to the point of ending friendships, both personal and professional, but in the end, our fight means nothing at all.

The 12 steps ask us to give up our ego and self-centered behaviors. By demanding honesty in our inventories and actions, we are propelled to adopt a more altruistic approach to the world. We make amends for our actions, righting the wrongs we’ve caused, and we learn to stop the harming behaviors that got us here. This also means approaching our difficulties with kindness instead of closed fists. When we change our actions, we ultimately have a chance to end the incessant violence permeating our lives: the bullying, school shootings, hateful speech, drug and alcohol abuse.  Ed and Deb Shapiro said, “Kindness is completely revolutionary: it will change each one of us, it will change others, and it will definitely change the world.” What a wonderful reminder, then, to take responsibility for our actions and point less fingers at those around us. The world can be a sticky place, so why not begin to unstick it with small acts of kindness and compassion? Try it: One kind act, one day at a time.

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Categories
Mental Health

Abuse and the Brain

                          (Image via Wikipedia)

    What is rudeness? We name it, become frustrated by it, react to it, sometimes even weave the behavior into our own lives. But why? Well, from a biological perspective, we are products of the environment we live in. As we move beyond the dyads of intimate conversation and expand into larger social groups, the societal mores can get watered down. If those stereotypical, expected polite behaviors cease (manners), stress increases and rudeness emerges. Dr. Douglas Fields, author of “The Other Brain” talks about environments where “strict respect and formal polite discourse” are more pronounced, saying that “these polite and formalized behaviors reduce stress in a stressful situation that arises from being an individual in complex society.”
    I am further intrigued by Fields’ information about children and the effects of stress in relation to their brain development. Dr. Douglas Fields says, “Stress is a neurotoxin, especially during the development of a child’s brain.”  It’s so important that we look at this, particularly from the lens of recovery. We are shown over and over again how psychological trauma in childhood leads to an increase in depression, anger, hostility, drug abuse, suicidal ideation, and loneliness. Studies also show us that abuse, be it physical, emotional, or sexual, negatively “undermine the normal wiring of brain circuits,” impacting the brain’s ability to connect the right and left sides through a “massive bundle of connections called the corpus callosum.” An impairment of that connection is directly associated with craving, drug abuse and dependence,as well as a decrease in one’s ability to make moral judgments.
    Researchers have also found that parental verbal abuse is more damaging to brain development than even physical abuse. Peers have an impact on our teens as well. In fact, according to a team of brain imaging scientists lead by Martin Teicher, MD, Ph.D, “The most sensitive period for verbal abuse from peers in impairing brain development was exposure during the middle school years. This is the period of life when these connections are developing in the human brain, and wiring of the human brain is greatly influenced by environmental experience.” 
    This information provides us with a wonderful opportunity to make a difference with our actions. So, what do we do? I’d start with being more aware of our actions, particularly regarding our speech. Before saying something, ask yourself  “Is what I am about to say helpful or harmful?” Taking a deep breath before speaking would also be useful. The process of maturing and brain development is rough for the kids as well as the adults. As parents, we simply need to remember to pause.

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Categories
Eating Disorders

Anorexia Doesn’t Have to be a Death Sentence

     If this isn’t a reminder of of the deadliness of anorexia, I don’t know what is: Isabelle Caro, a French model and actress well-known for bringing mass attention to the issue of anorexia in the world of fashion died last week. She was a mere 28 years old. It’s not just her youth that saddens me, but the overwhelming destructive nature of eating disorders in general. They wreak havoc in the most pervasive way: infecting family meals, creating shame-based thinking over the mere act of fueling our bodies, shattering any sense of self-esteem, and creating the sensation of falling down the rabbit hole whenever we venture into the realm of nourishment. The truth is, they negatively impact those suffering in more ways than the few I’ve mentioned. 
    Circumstances maintaining the virulence of eating disorders are in abundance: fashion magazines tout the ultra-thin, we’ve got a myriad of celebrity diets and pop-up ads declaring easy weight-loss without exercise, but the piece du resistance — pro-ana (pro-anorexia) sites celebrating and encouraging emaciation. In fact, when Caro died, it was a pro-ana site that posted her images with the tag line “die young, stay pretty.” On sites like this, recovery is the anti-goal.
    Recovering from an eating disorder takes time, support, and patience.  It takes acceptance of the fact that there will be good days, bad days, and days that fall in between. For me, it also takes the willingness to be transparent when transparency is usually not an option–this means I let someone know the tricks of the trade, so to speak, by sharing my “tells.” I have gleaned new ways and means of dealing with the lies my head tells me by being mindful about what I am feeling and thinking in relation to food. I engage in a loving-kindness practice when I eat, particularly when the day is rough. I regularly practice yoga, which directly brings my attention to my breath and body in a positive way. I share my experience, strength and hope whenever I can.
    I’m deeply saddened by the death of Isabelle Caro. It reminds me of how precious our lives are and how invaluable it is to be healthy. Taking a step towards recovery has positive, life-changing consequences. Why enter another decade suffering needlessly? I encourage you to reach out, ask for help, and begin talking about what’s going on. I’d like to be able to look at Isabelle Caro as a beacon of change, not just a victim of this disease, her voice becoming a vehicle for awareness, encouraging us to get to a place of healing and recovery. Nothing is impossible!

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