Month: December 2010

Categories
Mental Health Recovery

New Year Intentions

(Image by Christopher Chan via Flickr)

Round two of Holiday Madness is complete, and hopefully, we are on the other side in one piece. Now on the last stretch of the holiday road, we can now let go and get ready to celebrate the coming of the New Year.  For starters, many are ending this decade sober and stronger than they once were, optimistic in their desire for positive personal change in the year to come.  Some may be teetering on the edge of relapse, or may have already ventured down that path.  Hopefully, they make it back to the willing arms of recovery–remember, it just takes the willingness and desire to ask for help!

That said, all of us, sober or otherwise, look upon the burgeoning new year as a summons to better ourselves. We habitually make promises and set intentions to behave differently than we did the year before; we typically do pretty well in keeping those promises in the first month or so, and then, well, complacency begins to set in. The new membership to the gym starts to gather dust or we fall short in our attempts to deepen our spiritual practice, listening less to the call of our hearts and more to the chatter in our heads; at some point, we may even forget why we made these promises and intentions in the first place.

After countless years of failed “resolutions,” and a persistent sense of disappointment,  I decided to begin a new tradition, which is to no longer make promises I can’t keep, but rather, set intentions that allow me to get back up again if I should fall short. Intentions like being more committed to my life, my family, my sobriety, my spirituality. Or intentions to be kinder to myself and spend less time berating myself for things that are banal and insignificant, i.e., not making it to yoga one day or getting frustrated while I’m driving. In the grand scheme of things, one failed yoga class or a frustrated honk of the horn won’t eradicate the initial intentions that were set. Rather, those moments of forgetting allow me to ignite a practice of forgiveness, which allows me to forgive some of those shortcomings as I work so diligently to transform them.  Frankly, the real intention is our effort to change. “Progress not perfection,” right?

As long as we go forth one step, one breath, one day at a time, eventually, all the effort will pay off, leaving us with less dust, and more fervent joy.

Categories
Body Image

Body Image and You

      (Image by daniellehelm via Flickr)

   Body image: the way in which we view our body and determine our self-esteem and self worth. Unfortunately, sometimes that image isn’t so positive. Criticism in the home as well as navigating a never-ending barrage of heavily Photoshopped models portraying images of idealized thinness, merely fortifies one with negativity. This skewed idealism breeds an environment in which we declare anything above a size 6 as unacceptable. This ideology becomes the motivation for placing ourselves and our kids on fast-track, fad diets that do nothing but encourage a negative sense of health and beauty. When we subscribe to this dysmorphic portrayal of “healthy” bodies, we end up finding ourselves and our loved ones impressionable and bereft of optimal health.
    I bring this up namely because with the coming of the new year, one of the most common resolutions we hear is “I’m going to lose weight.” But when we make resolutions like this, we also have to look at our motives. Are we aiming to look like the runway model who is on a lifelong diet plan, inclusive of intense caloric limitations and daily weigh-ins? Or are we aiming to be healthy and at an ideal weight for our body type? If it’s the latter, do we even know what that is? What happens if you eventually do get to your “ideal” weight? Will it be enough? Or is the nagging voice inside your head telling you a few more pounds would really be much better?
      As we raise our kids in an image-saturated society, we must be conscious about whether our dialogue is helpful or harmful. How we speak about our bodies and our kids’ bodies is key–our opinions and words hold weight and become part of the early messages that influence one’s initial sense of self esteem. Negative body talk in the home, whether it be statements that are unkind to ourselves or unkind to our children, is always unhelpful. It sends negative messages, breeding dysfunction and planting the seeds of delusion about health and beauty. Frankly, I would much rather plant the seeds of self-acceptance, a healthy body image, and positive self-esteem.
    Pamela Kelle, a registered dietitian, suggests a few things that we can do as parents to try and inspire a positive body image:

* Encourage and model healthy eating and exercise.
* Provide healthy foods and nutritious meals consumed by the whole family.
* Do not praise or glorify someone for being a certain body size or losing weight.
* Don’t talk negatively about your own body.
* Don’t expect perfection.

    Maybe this new year, we can provide our kids with a healthy model of self-esteem and a positive body image. They’re worth it and so are you.

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Categories
Alcohol Parenting

Parenting Style and Teen Drinking

(Image by Mark Turner via Flickr)

   For teens, their peers are their greatest social influence, particularly when it comes to experimenting with alcohol, etc. When they enter middle school, and find themselves in the hands of new school corridors and playgrounds, a child’s socialization center changes. No longer are their parents directly involved at school and for the first time, our kids are relatively on their own. While the norms and values learned in the home are still valid, applicable and deeply planted, the  heady influence of peer groups, the need to fit in, and the general desire for social acceptability often attempt to nullify these base values. Peer influence becomes as distinctly influential as that of parents. The irony is, this is normal social behavior.
    Studies and research are beginning to talk about how parenting styles can influence how a teen drinks. Stephen Bahr, a professor of sociology at BYU, along with some colleagues, took a look at how teens are using alcohol. They noticed a pattern in drinking behaviors as associated with different parenting styles, particularly the rigid approach vs. one that’s casual. In their 5000-person survey, Behr found that kids hailing from laisez-faire, indulgent parents where consequences were rarely doled out  were “3 times more likely to binge drink,” and at the other extreme, kids raised in overly strict environments were also more likely to binge drink. According to Bahr, “Kids in that (the strict) environment tend not to internalize the values and understand why they should not drink.” When the boundaries are too rigid, one’s ability to make self-directed judgment calls becomes limited, at the same time, kids with little to no boundaries suffer from a lack of a true moral compass, making loose decision-making skills the norm. Essentially, the study shows both extremes have negative consequences. Bahr also states, “While parents didn’t have much of an effect on whether their teens tried alcohol, they can have a significant impact on the more dangerous type of drinking”
    How can we do this? Research shows we need to begin by borrowing elements from each of the two parenting styles, creating a style based on balance. Essentially, recognize your kids when they’ve done something positive, but hold the line, maintaining a firm boundary when they go off track. We know there are many components involved in teenage drinking: some may simply be genes, in which case, parental transparency is invaluable; it could be a particular group of friends one’s associating with; it could even be turmoil in the home, creating a sense of emotional isolation for our teen. For starters, begin talking to your kids about alcohol and drugs, even as early as the 4th grade. They aren’t too young to know, and frankly, it’s best if it comes from you, dear reader, than the renegade ideology of a misguided friend. 

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Categories
Holidays

Holidays, Part Deux

For many, the holidays bring copious joy and a sense of celebration: there are a bevy of lights illuminating the city streets, Santa’s everywhere you look, school’s out for two weeks, family gatherings are plentiful, and everyone is ready for a “break,” right?  Well, that’s not always the case for the alcoholic/addict. When I was new in sobriety, the holidays were dreadful, and I had little to no coping skills in terms of dealing with the inevitable difficulties that can arise around family. I would spend every waking moment in marathon meetings, eager to recreate a sense of connection. I’m forever grateful for that experience.

As I gained more years under my belt and my proverbial tool box filled up with a variety of solutions applicable to most situations, my coping skills became broader. I became able to engage with my family in small doses, despite the fact that the sense of discomfort hasn’t ever really gone away. The thing is, just because we’ve continued to work on our behavior and our sense of disillusionment, doesn’t mean the rest of our families have as well. A lot of the time, they’re going to be the same as they always were. So, what does that mean for us addicts and alcoholics?

For starters, it’s an opportunity to put all of the hard work we do into action, but on a grander scale. Perhaps we can begin to treat a difficult person as the suffering being that they are and offer them compassion. What do you think would happen if you approached them with an open heart instead of anger and resentment?  If that’s too hard, because the trauma is too fresh or too deep, then treat yourself with compassion and take a break. Call your sponsor, or a safe friend and check in; step outside and take 10 (yes, really) deep breaths–the kind that fills your lungs all the way to the top! And if all else fails, get yourself to a meeting. It’s one of the best aspects of recovery during the holidays: the meetings, just like the holiday cheer, are a-plenty!

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Categories
Marijuana

Marijuana Smokes Nicotine

                                     Image via Wikipedia

    Once again, Marijuana enters the news with a bang, with a new study showing teens smoking more marijuana than they are cigarettes. The National Institute of Drug Abuse (NIDA) released the results of their recent Monitoring the Future survey, which found 21.4% of high school students had used marijuana in 30 days while only 19.2 % smoked cigarettes in the same 30-day period. Interesting that this is the first time since the ‘80s where marijuana use rose above smoking cigarettes–perhaps it’s a direct result of the anti-smoking policies in various states, coupled with the current and fervent medical marijuana movement.

   Due to elevated talks in media and politics about the potentiality of legalizing marijuana, there has been a significant softening of attitudes toward the drug, particularly from the adolescent set. The notion of it it being for medicinal purposes really just makes light of the ill effects found from persistent use of the drug. This idea that legalization means safety is a fallacy, as we well know from dealing with the disease of alcoholism and the denial that can often come with it precisely because of its legality. 
    Another worrisome issue here, and one mentioned by Dr. Nora Volkow, director of NIDA, is the effect the use of marijuana will continue to have on adolescents, whose brains aren’t fully developed. Dr. Volkow says it will be “more damaging to learning and memory than less frequent use,” and “daily users are at a far higher risk of developing dependancy on marijuana and other drugs.”
    Some signs to look for if you’re worried about your teen:

  • Dilated (large) pupils 
  • Cigarette rolling papers
  • Seeds that have been cleaned from marijuana
  • Smell on clothing, in room, or in car
  • Bloodshot eyes
  • Sleepy appearance
  • Reduced motivation 
  • Pipes, bongs, homemade smoking devices

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Categories
Mental Health

A Yoga State of Mind

What is it about eating disorders that make us hate who we are and what we look like while inviting failure in our attempts at change?  Good question and one I’m not sure I’ll ever really know the answer to.

Image by myyogaonline via Flickr

    After a lifetime of intermittent starvation, exercise bulimia, and a passion for laxatives and anything that would purge that pesky bran muffin, etc., from my system, I decided to take the inward route and follow in the footsteps of the many eating disordered women I know: delve deeper into a yoga practice. For once, I wasn’t trying to lose my imaginary weight, but rather, I wanted to heal. I decided to approach this ancient practice with a beginner’s mind, rather than the one that has been dallying in yogic practice for over a decade. I chose not to pay attention to the pretzels and skinny bits in my classes, instead, focusing my gaze on my mat. What’s happened has not only been wonderful, but healing on a deep, cellular level. Does that mean I don’t get triggered? Nope, surely not, but it does mean I view my body in a healthier way: as powerful and strong, grounded in earth and sky, and present. With each breath and asana, I move toward a healing space, recognizing my limits, discovering my strengths and meeting them both with kind awareness.
    Body dysmorphia is a life-long disease. It loves to play games and trick you into thinking it’s correct in its delusions of grandeur. However, as we heal and grow in our sobriety and in our efforts to be kinder toward ourselves, our disordered perceptions of mind and body can begin to change. The beauty of a yoga practice is that it teaches us to recognize our limits, embrace our strength, all the while using the fluidity of our breath as an anchor to the present moment. It’s rather like a moving meditation, really. On the mat, I find myself forgetting how I “think” I look as I stay present and get out of the thinking mind. It makes staying present OFF the mat infinitely easier, and allows me to be kinder to myself about myself. What a wonderful gift!

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Categories
Addiction Synthetic Drugs

Synthetic Doesn’t Mean Safe

Sometimes marketed as incense or an herbal smoking blend, synthetic marijuana is readily available for teens via the internet and some drug paraphernalia shops.  Rather than banning the products themselves (Spice, K2, Blaze, and Red X Dawn), the FDA is seeking to ban the 5 chemicals used to create the herbal blends. The FDA wants to place the chemicals in the same category as heroin and cocaine, due to increased reports of  seizures, dependency of poison centers, hallucinations, hospitals, and law enforcement as a result of its use.

Synthetic or not, it’s still a drug, and it still has the potential to contribute to one’s addiction issues. Sprayed with psychotropic chemicals, this herbal and spice mixture is touted as providing users with an elevated, meditative state, similar to the effect found with marijuana use. However, instead of the alleged mellow effects sought by its users, the statistics show high reports of heightened blood pressure, high levels of anxiety, seizures, nausea, severe agitation, and hallucinations.  While more testing is needed, findings suggest this drug is effecting not only the cardiovascular system, but also the central nervous system of its users. In plain speak: it’s dangerous.

Are you worried your kid might be using? If so, you might want to look for dried herbs in unlikely places…their room, for instance, or their backpacks. What does a teen really want with something that looks like oregano, right? You can also look for some of these physical signs:

  • Agitation
  • Pale appearance
  • Anxiety
  • Confusion.

It’s good the FDA is taking a stance on this–between the ease of availability and the implication of harmlessness, we place our kids and ourselves at heightened risk for the long-term, negative effects of yet another drug.

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