The only thing you have to give is everything you have

It only cost me a cigarette.



…And the man said, “The only thing you have to give is everything you have.”

When I was nineteen I worked construction for a company that built and installed high-density mobile storage for corporate filing systems and small libraries. It was exhausting work, but I liked the feeling of accomplishment that came with finishing a large job. My partner’s name was Mark. He was a middle-aged man who was going through a divorce for the entire year that we were partners. He was a very unhappy man and drank more than out employer would have liked, and was often surly to the point of making our job harder than it should have been.

On a morning in late winter Mark had court appointment in downtown Oklahoma City, and left me with three hours to kill. I walked around and through the Bombing Memorial for the first time since it was constructed. I found a place to sit and took off my headphones. The weight of where I found myself was heavier than I was prepared for, and before I got comfortable I realized that I was weeping. I can’t say for sure how long I had been sitting there when a man, presumably homeless, sat next to me and asked me for a cigarette. Begrudgingly, I obliged him expecting him to leave me alone. He lit his smoke with a match and said, “The only thing you have to give is everything you have.” With that, he left me, and I never saw him again.

Have often thought what he meant by that comment, and at different times in my life, it has had different meanings. When I got sober it meant that the only thing I had to do to stay sober is everything I could do. As I grow in my recovery, the meaning of the homeless man’s statement grows with me.

The Number 1 Gateway Drug

I read an article today about teens that smoke cigarettes are more likely to develop drinking and/or drug problems. The article suggested that because smoking at such a young age messes with the chemistry and brain function, that makes them almost twice as likely to drink and almost three times as likely to smoke marijuana.

Now I can relate to this because I first started smoking around 15, then quit for a year or two, then picked it up once more. The second time I started smoking, my drinking had picked up about double what it was the year before. This information, in my opinion makes sense. The other thing is, it makes me ask the question what really is the number 1 gateway drug?

Dennis

I Quit Smoking Cigarettes

I quit smoking cigarettes after inhaling them for 14 years. I miss them every day and I probably think of them every other minute at the moment. It is a challenge and one that I didn’t even anticipate making. One day I basically hit my bottom with cigarettes. My body felt like it was starting to shut down. I would get headaches everyday from smoking, which then made my body tense, which then gave me no motivation or oxygen circulation, which then the list goes on and on. The bottom line is, every part of my being was starting to get affected by this disease of addiction.

Working at a teen treatment center that deals with addiction has been a blessing for me. I am aware that any addiction has an underlying psychological motivation. For me, to let go of cigarettes is painful for it feels as if I am letting go of the love of my life. I understand this sounds silly and yet this is what the young adults at teen treatment centers with drug and alcohol addiction feel as well. It is strange. It is strange to love something so harmful towards us. It’s strange to be ok with poisoning ourselves for so long and then one day decide that it’s not ok to do that anymore. The thing is I would never stop smoking if my body could handle it. And yet as a responsible adult I have to be aware of the choices I make in life. I am not even angry that I have to stop, I am only extremely sad that I can no longer continue.

Anonymous